PHENOM

Wednesday; February 26

Hi, allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Mike and I play baseball.  Well, not big league baseball, but I know that I will be in the bigs someday, and I don't think it will be that far in the future either, because I'm good -damn good!

I'm 24 years old, brown hair, brown eyes, just three years out of college, and I'm about to start my third year in the Pittsburgh Pirates organization.  I'm a switch hitter (not when it comes to sex though -there I'm straight as can be), and I throw right-handed.

They tell me that I'll probably start the season at Class A, but I think they are in for a surprise.  I'm too good for Class A.  In fact, I'm too good for Double A, but what the hell, starting the season in Altoona (Double A, Eastern League, for those of you who don't know) won't be too bad.  After all, it's only 90 miles from the Burgh.

I guess I must sound pretty cocky, huh? Well, actually, I'm not.  It's just that I know I can play ball.  I always could.  Ever since I was seven years old when my granddad gave me my first ball and glove, I just knew I was going to be a big leaguer some day.  It had to be.  And now my day is almost here.

So who am I? I told you my name is Mike, Mike Rosen, but my friends all call me Sparky.  I'll explain the nickname later.  Some people try to call me Rosie, like that fat lesbian on TV, but that usually gets them a busted lip.  So if you want to be my friend, and if you know what's good for you, never, never call me Rosie.

I grew up in Chestnut Hills, a middle class suburb just outside of Pittsburgh, and I went to college at Duquesne University, which is located right in Pittsburgh, just a long fly ball from PNC Park where the Pirates play.  So I'm a hometown kid about to play for the home team.  Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

I'm not a real big guy.  In fact I'm actually pretty small (but not where it counts, if you get my drift), so the scouts weren't all that sure if they should sign me or not.  In fact, I didn't even get a scholarship to play for the Dukes my freshman year, but after walking on and hitting .350 my first season, I had a full ride the rest of the way through.

So how small am I? Well, I'm listed as 5 foot 9 inches, but that's probably stretching it a bit.  And I only weigh 175, but they say I'm still going to fill out a little bit.  But I don't believe it.  I think I'm as big as I'm going to get.  At least I hope so.  Being big is great for basketball and football and sex, but I rely upon quickness and agility and I'm afraid if I get too big I might lose some of that.  So being small is just fine with me, thank you.