LOVE WITHOUT PRIDE

As the Sheriff surveyed the crowd of agitated people, he walked to Marvin and asked, “What did you find out?”

Marvin simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I haven’t found out anything.”

The Sheriff’s anger was obvious as he barked, “Give me that stopwatch! You are the sorriest excuse for a lawman that I have ever seen and we are going to have a sit-down meeting when this mess is settled!”

Then, he drew his pistol from its holster and fired two shots into the air and shouted, “Shut up!”

Immediately, the crowd fell silent and the Sheriff started questioning individuals until he was satisfied that he understood the problem. Then, he restated what he had heard in his own words, as follows:

“During the service, Fartin’ Willie Ward was seated directly behind the spinster Puddington who is an elderly victim of emphysema. Ward, who subsists primarily on hard-boiled eggs and steamed okra, broke wind that was so noxious that it caused Puddington to collapse for the want of fresh air. An heroic rescue ensued when Miss Puddington was carried from the church by two deacons who are currently suffering ill effects. After the church was evacuated, the congregation erupted into an angry mob on Church Street and demanded the banishment of Fartin’ Willie Ward from the church to prevent him from entering in the future. Then, a significant part of the mob insisted that the whores from Third Street also be forbidden to enter because they mingle with decent folks during the service.”