The P.R.I.D.E. Factor
How To Bounce Back When You Think You Can't
by
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Words like “success” and “greatness” are so much a part of our everyday language and vocabulary that we do not even give a second thought to what they specifically mean. We do know, almost instinctively, which children seem to be already on the “road to success,” and which, as yet, have not found their way. Our language is replete with such expressions as “he’s got a ‘fire in his belly,’” “he’s bound to become a success,” “she’s never lived up to her full potential,” or even, “he was successful for a while, and then, for some reason, he really ‘lost it!’”
If we know success when we see it, it makes sense that we can learn how to build it – and even more importantly, how to encourage it – early on in our children. While there are literally hundreds of books that talk about techniques for self-motivation and promoting success, we know of none about how to “bounce back” after a setback or how to sustain motivation for the long run. What makes our book unique is that its focus is on how we maintain a feeling of success in the midst of a world, and a life, fraught with disappointments, setbacks, discouragements, and inescapable injuries and insults – experiences that often result in feelings of shame, demoralization, loss of initiative and lowered self-esteem.
Dave’s and my collaboration is based on the belief that success is not a straight-line phenomenon, like a rocket lifting off at increasing speed to the moon; rather; it is a process that more resembles the ups and downs of a long-held blue chip stock in the stock market. So, part of the focus of our book is about how to raise children who are shame-resilient – who are not prone to be frequently tripping up, or collapsing, because of faults in the bedrock of their self-esteem. But our book is for adults too. Whether you are an adult or a child, the same principles apply. Our challenge, as humans, is about how to sustain, rekindle, and revitalize feelings of self-esteem and motivation after episodes of failure, injury or disappointment, and this challenge is lifelong. It is about the ability to recover and regain one’s “success attitude” after the inevitable misjudgments, mishaps, missteps, and yes, even tragic catastrophes of real life. What are the necessary ingredients that go into the ability to bounce back?
Dave Hood, in his series of children’s movies, was inspired on the set one day when the mantra, “Shouldn’t have done that!” spontaneously came out of his mouth! This saying came from deep within his personality, without conscious intent – as is true with the creative genius of many artists – and it was this “mantra” that became the inspiration for our book. Put simply, the mantra becomes the focal point around which one has the opportunity to revitalize one’s success when one has done something one “shouldn’t have done.” Or, to extend the meaning of the mantra: to recover when someone has done something to you that he or she “shouldn’t have done.” Extended even further, the opportunity and challenge begins with: How does one move on when one has been deeply affected by something that “life shouldn’t have done”? These questions, and suggested answers, are the focus of our book.
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Here’s What The Experts Are Saying About The P.R.I.D.E. Factor
This book has helped me make great strides in the problem I have had with my need for perfection. I was always accommodating to the needs of others and, as a result, I suffered undue stress, shame and anxiety whenever I disappointed anyone. Reading the cases in the book, and learning the principles of the P.R.I.D.E. Factor, released me from the curse of always feeling bad about myself whenever I followed my own ideas. It gave me the emotional independence I needed to be my True Self. My “step is lighter” and I am not so hard on myself. People close to me can see the difference.
Christian Phoenix Special Education Teacher
The P.R.I.D.E. Factor offers the reader a chance to become free of the bondage associated with pain hurt and suffering. I have seen, first hand, in my work as a priest, counselor and law enforcement chaplain that the principles of this book work. I have been deep in the pit of Ground Zero. I have been steeped in the fear and terror of Emergency Rooms. I have often been called to people’s homes to intervene in a crisis such as trying to prevent a potential suicide, helping a family bear some unbearable grief, or trying to move them through some other emotional pain from which they could picture no light at the end of their dark tunnel. The tools I learned in this book gave me new ways of healing to add to my armamentarium, especially in dealing with people’s shame and guilt. One of the most vivid examples emblazoned in my memory is having been able to release a firefighter from his guilt and shame in his final hours as he was pinned under debris. The principles in this book can truly be life giving; as a life, no matter how long it is, lived buried in shame and guilt, is no life at all.
Father Joe Moreno World Trade Center/Ground Zero Chaplain
I want to say what an achievement I think this book is. It is a captivating blend of contemporary psychoanalytic thought and issues about resilience that concern us all today. It is rich with stories and examples of adults who have “bounced back” despite the odds, and guidance for parents on how to raise children who are prepared to do so in their own lives. I think that all parents would find the book inspirational. The book is also presented in a clear, engaging and up-beat tone. Although it is rich with sound information, it is presented in language that is easily understandable and accessible to the layperson. I, myself, have had formal training in these concepts and have treated both adults and children who faced the challenge of “bouncing back.” Having words that lay people can also understand and work with is a real contribution. But mostly what I loved about the book is that it made me happy!
Margot Garfield LICSW ( Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker ),
M. Ed, Advanced Candidate in Psychoanalysis
As a
Fr. Patrick Lynch S.J. Rector of
About the Author
Carol A. Munschauer, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst. She is a member of the American Psychological Association, the American Psychoanalytic Association and the International Psychoanalytical Association. She is also president of the Psychoanalytic Society of Upstate New York.
Dr. Munschauer was awarded the Edith Sabshin National Teaching Prize in 2001 by the International Psychoanalytical Association for her contributions in teaching about psychoanalysis to lay people. She is clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the State University of New York at
Dave Hood is the creator and star of the highly successful children’s series “Real Wheels.” His “Dave Movies” as most kids refer to them are loved by parents and children alike for their entertaining and educational values. Winner of the Telly Award, National Parenting Award, The Dove Foundation and many more, his movies for kids are known and respected all over the world. “I never talk down to kids and they respond to that,” he says. Real Wheels has sold more than 6 million world wide and can now be seen on many Public Broadcasting Stations across the country. Find out more at: www.davemovies.com.