My Wife Has Cancer

I started writing this book as a means of unloading all of the emotion and anxiety that came with taking care of Annette. Cancer is a horrifying disease that doesn’t recognize age, color of skin, ethnic background, financial status, or whether you’re a good person or not. It doesn’t care who gets left behind in the wake. It attacks babies, small children, and single parents with kids at home that rely on them for the basic essentials of life. It will snatch a life with the same disregard, whether you are a war hero or a convicted child molester.

 Originally, this started as a journal, a diary of sorts that contained a myriad of ideas and thoughts . . . the pages filled with unguided emotion, packed with despair and anger that rambled on, going off in many different directions. Yes, it was a place to unload, but it wasn’t bringing any peace. I would write without any focal point. Encouraged by Annette, I changed focus and began to structure it not so much as a guide but as a testimony to what we endured and how it affected everything that we treasured. This new focus forced me to come to terms with what was happening. It gave me the courage to go forward and live. This demon took Annette’s life; I WILL NOT allow it to also destroy my life or our boy’s lives.

 First and foremost, this book is for the spouses. I would like to think it helps those who have experienced the pain firsthand to know they are not alone. (Please note, I didn’t say comfort them in their loss. As you read on, you will find that knowing someone else has experienced the pain will not, nor should it, bring any comfort to you.) This book is to let you know that you are not alone; there are thousands of us walking the streets and working through our daily lives one step at a time. What you have to understand is that whatever you are experiencing is unique to your relationship between you and the one you love. No one can tell you how long it will take you to return to a “normal” life or how long it takes you to be able to look at a picture or hear a song without curling up in a ball, sobbing yourself to sleep. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself standing in the middle of the grocery store crying because you just passed your spouse’s favorite food. Every one of us has walked the unbeaten path that was laid before us. That trail will pass through the dark forest of anguish and pain, and you will stumble and fall just as a baby does when they take those first steps. All I can tell you is keep going, keep fighting. There is light at the end of the forest. Don’t let that demon take any more lives than it already has. Reach out for help; there is an army of people ready and willing to help you along. Please don’t be afraid or too proud to ask.

I also wrote this book for the close family members and friends with the hopes that it provides some insight into how tragic the loss of a spouse can be, especially at such a young age.

It is my wish that our experience and my thoughts shed some light on and bring awareness to the importance of supporting such organizations as

American Cancer Society

St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital

and

The Hospice program.

In support of those organizations, a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated in memory of my wife Annette.

With your help and support and the grace of God, one day these brilliant people will find a way to conquer the oppressor, bringing hope and peace to all who face the uncertainty of this debilitating disease.