HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR HUSBAND DEPLOYS
Story Of A Marine Corps Wife
by
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Sometimes it’s hard to remember to take care of yourself when you’re trying to make sure your husband has plenty of emails, cards, and care packages. Don’t forget about your emotional state while your husband is deployed; husbands need to know that their wives are taken care of while they’re gone. The last thing Darryl needed on his already full plate was having to worry about me not taking care of myself. True enough I was emotional a lot while he was gone, but I always made sure I did something each day to better my emotional state. I knew I would be okay once I let my sadness momentarily subside and taking care of myself did just that.
No matter what kind of day I was having, it was quite easy to keep myself busy. I knew I couldn’t just sit around idle, as I would’ve made myself sick with worry. Darryl often tells me that I worry too much and he’s right. Not saying his being overseas didn’t make me worry, but I had to divert my attention elsewhere unless I wanted to be on edge all the time. I had to keep my wits about me so as to make it through the normal everyday tasks.
I can’t tell you how many Marine Corps websites and Marine Corps Times I must’ve read while Darryl was gone. If anything had happened to him I’d have been the first to know, but I figured better safe than sorry. I don’t think there’s a Marine wife with a husband overseas who doesn’t worry to some extent. Our husbands are on their guard 24/7, the news is depressing, we can’t help but notice the death toll and not hearing from them every single day adds to the worry. More often than not, Darryl would tell me he was okay probably so I wouldn’t worry about him, even though I did anyway.
Whatever Darryl’s reasons were for telling me not to worry about him, I tried my best to honor that request. The only thing I could do while he was gone was to take care of the one person who could bring him home, me. I would sit on our living room couch watching my favorite shows and wish Darryl was sitting with me. I couldn’t help it, we hadn’t even had enough time in the house together and I felt bad that I was enjoying all the new things without him. We both knew it couldn’t be helped, but I felt bad that he was in a war zone and I was sitting at home relaxing.
I received a letter from one of Darryl’s superiors shortly after his squadron deployed and one of the main points is what I want to share next. She said that communication with our deployed Marines is extremely important to the success of their mission. When I tried to hide my feelings and emotions from Darryl in the very beginning, it wasn’t smart and probably made his days that much more stressful. His superior said to make sure we sent our Marines plenty of cards and care packages; receiving these things would make the difference between a good day and a bad day. She asked that we as family members concentrate on our Marines and anything we felt they needed to know, that could wait, should. In the following sentences from an email sent to me Darryl said this,
I know you’re sad that I’m gone and you’re trying to hide it from me, but things aren’t that bad here that you can’t tell me what you’re feeling. Even if it’s just that you hope I don’t get sunburned or something, you can show some emotion here. I don’t know… I just get this feeling that you’re holding back, like you don’t want to open up because you’ll hurt me or something. I love you Shavonne and you can tell me anything that’s going on. I want you to be better than just fine while I’m away from you. If you’re not happy then I’m really not happy. I love you Darryl
After receiving that email from him, the letter from his superior made a lot of sense and gave me that much more of a push to make sure Darryl had plenty of cards, emails, care packages, love and support. I would be doing him a great injustice by being selfish and not communicating with him; in the chapter following this one, you’ll see how I momentarily forgot just how important communication was to Darryl. His phone calls and emails sounded so calm and I couldn’t tell how stressed he was because he didn’t have to worry about me. I believe Darryl slept better and did better overall when he didn’t have to worry about how I was handling his deployment. He needed to know that his wife was safe, healthy and making it through without him. Here’s a piece of another email Darryl sent me letting me know how much he missed and loved me,
God I miss you. It hasn’t even been 3 weeks and I don’t know how I’m going to last…I’m sure I’ll manage, but like bootcamp I didn’t realize what I got into until I was there for a little while. I can’t help but worry about you. I can’t stand being away from you when you go to work or when I go to drill. I can’t even fathom what it’s going to be like when I get back home and see you again…
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About the Book
How To Cope When Your Husband Deploys follows Shavonne Matulevich; a United States Sailor and Marine Corps wife who has to manage everyday life while her husband is deployed. Shavonne has ideas about what the separation will be like, but reality steps in however, and opens her eyes to the Marine Corps side of the military and all the emotions that come with it. She has to adjust her feelings to deal with Darryl’s stress and tension while he trains and prepares to leave. As the months go by, she begins to realize just how important her role as a Marine wife really is, and learns there is not only a responsibility to Darryl but to herself as well.
About the Author
Shavonne Lynette Matulevich is the oldest of three daughters born to Jimmie and Stephanie Brewer in February of 1983. She met and married Darryl Matulevich in 2003 and they welcomed their daughter Yalāynah in 2005. Shavonne and her husband no longer serve in the military; due to budget cuts they were unable to continue their careers. Shavonne earned her Bachelors of Arts in Liberal Arts in 2010 thanks to Tuition assistance while on Active Duty. Shavonne now lives in Washington State and would like to move back overseas to Japan in the near future.