Matey's Petite Collection
A sampling of his handler's poems, sayings, and stuff.
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
No Senior Citizen, I
Today, I reached
Now I’m a Septuagenarian.
Call me what you wish,
Old curmudgeon, Old codger, Old fart,
Old anything.
Just don’t call me a Senior Citizen, please!
That contrived term speaks of PC guff,
Of slickers trying to sell us stuff.
Being a
But “Senior” should be earned, not chronologically endowed.
It used to be, “elderly” was the way to say, “old” gently.
So go right ahead and call me an “elderly whatever”,
An elderly fart? That works.
I don’t care, when it comes from the heart.
Virus warning
WARNING! If you receive an email, subject “Churchgoer,” DO NOT OPEN IT! DELETE IMMEDIATELY! It’s a virus.
This virus will have no effect on your computer whatsoever, but churchgoing will never be the same for you.
You will forget all of your fellow parishioners’ names.
You will weep uncontrollably while singing.
You will yawn loudly and incessantly during the sermon.
At wedding ceremonies you attend, bridegrooms will involuntarily respond, “I don’t.”
Swarms of wet, barking dogs will invade the Church when the Bishop visits.
And you’ll pass gas instead of the Peace.
Forward this warning to everyone in your address book NOW!
(And to you rich folks, another warning: “The needle’s eye is shrinking.”)
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About the Book
My handler is a lot smarter than he looks. We have been colleagues at the Agency for a number of years and I have come to know him quite well. I respect him greatly. I particularly admire his command of the English language. “Command’, mind you, doesn’t necessarily mean his stuff is good. But it’s erudite. Sometimes it’s poignant and often, it’s even fun.
That is why I am publishing this little collection of some of his poems, sayings and stuff. It will soon become clear what “stuff” is. Not all of these are his creations; all the poems are, save one; no one else would claim them. Anything in quotes comes from someone else, but not always from anyone he remembers.
Simply put, it is a collection of his dreams, musings, favorite sayings and stuff. In one case, the E.T. Sullivan poem it is a favorite of his, sent to him by a friend when his wife of 40 years died.
I must warn you. Be careful with it around pre-teenagers. He has a ribald sense of humor.
I dedicate this little book to his children, Suzanne and David, and to his grandchildren, Kate, Jack, and Lindsay (who should read it someday when they are older.)
About the Author
Matey is a dog, and a fictional CIA agent. You’ll begin to believe a dog could be such when you read some of the books mentioned below.
Every agent has a handler who acts as his backup support. Agent Matey’s is the elderly gentleman in the portrait to the left. His name is Peter Juge.
In this little book, Matey has gathered together a collection of his handler’s poems, sayings, and “stuff.” This is not the entire collection, only of the ones that Matey particularly likes.
Matey’s adventures have been featured in three books by Peter Juge. One, a non-fiction book “Matey’s Tour de France,” was published in 2003. It follows Matey and Peter on vacations in
Peter Juge is a former US Foreign Service officer and International Oil Company executive. With his wife, two children, and a series of dogs, Peter lived in