Laura From Within
An Autobiography Through Poetry and Journal
by
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Untying the Gag Order
Can I slide away, ride away, hide, un-decide away
leaving no clue of my new existence?
Undoing, ungluing, excluding the protruding
zit that has become my bane and resistance.
My surly, whirly, whacked out behavior
is not hue nor shadow of a once flattering silhouette.
Beguiled, betrayed, taken out, my bed unmade
creates thoughts never known to throw out the sheets wet.
The unseen, unclean, scared un-repaired
joke of a body is as foreign as desert.
I try to absorb, reward, retard, then discard
this displacement of creation I have to inherit.
To fantasize, visualize, scrutinize and penalize
gives the ball in motion too much room to roll.
When it comes down, it hits ground and rebounds
and freshens its mark with a much stronger toll.
I freeze, gaze, do a 360 and hurl
to be masochistic is not my cup of tea.
My eyes have found skies that He sanctifies
His glory is all I need to find me.
__January 1997
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About the Book
At the tender age of three, I developed a case of chicken pox. A horrible case that I know I will never forget. Not because I actually remember it, but because my mother will make sure the horrid occasion is firmly implanted in my brain…which, believe me, it is. This chicken pox episode has followed me from the toddler years up to now. And, it will continue to follow me until the end of my years.
At the age of 15, I developed encephalitis, meningitis and shingles and three years later had another occurrence of meningitis. It was at this time I began to write. Three years after the last episode, I began to develop symptoms of what is now diagnosed as post-Encephalitic Parkinson’s Disease.
It has now been over 20 years since I found PD had entered my life. The docs classify me as being in the advanced stages. I say it is all in mindset. It has not ruined my way of living. In many ways it has enhanced it. I find that my creative side has blossomed as never before.
My faith in my Lord has also blossomed. He guides me through each day with new lessons added frequently. He holds me when I am down, and lifts me up when I feel good. He always reminds me that I am human. Knowing this, I know that I will make it…He is my Father after all.
I have three daughters Melissa, Jasmine, and Cameo. I am also blessed with a wonderful granddaughter, Chloe. I was a single mother for 15 years and bought my own home and 1978 Harley Davidson Superglide. I am now married to the man I can truly claim to have made my life complete. I have not been able to work for 11 years, but enjoy the peace and quiet of living on my acreage in the countryside of the
I have become humble to my Lord Jesus through the trials of this disease and have found strength and wisdom that I would not ever have known otherwise. I have learned that His will is in my best interest, and through His love, I have found contentment.
About the Author
Laura J Dean is an extraordinary person who redefines survival and faith. For over twenty-five years she has known first hand about challenges, coping with disabilities, and has watched life changing realities mold her life while Parkinson’s Disease claims her body. Her life story is one of struggle and overcoming adversities beginning at the very young age of three with a severe case of chicken pox and then at the age of fifteen with a life threatening case of shingles, meningitis, and encephalitis. Her story will target your imagination as it captures the reality of living with a disease. Her sincerity and strength, honesty and courage as written through her poetry and journals will bring Laura to life within your heart. Once a child protégé at the age of five, Laura continues to find ways to compose her music and write songs for organizations today. She currently shares with others living with Parkinson’s Disease in her website chat rooms. Laura makes her home in the