Through the Years......

Results of a contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.The following are some of the winning entries.

1)Coffee(n.) a person who is coughed upon

2)Flabbergasted(asj.)appalled over how much weight you have gained

3)Abdicate(v.)to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

4)Willy-nilly(adj.) impotent

5)Negligent(adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie

6)Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp

7)Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash

8)Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up             after you have been run over by a steamroller

9)Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline

10)Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam

11)Rectitude (n.) the formal,dignified demeanor assumed by a Proctologist immediately before he examines you

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A white haired man walked into a jeweler''s shop late one Friday,

with a beautiful young lady at his side.

"I''m looking for a special ring for my girlfriend."he said.

The jeweler looks through his stock and takes out an outstanding ring priced at $5000.

"I don''t think you understand...I want something very unique."he said.

At that , the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.

"Here''s one stunning ring at $40,000.

The girl''s eyes sparkled,and the man said that he would take it.

"How are you paying?"asked the jeweler.

"I''ll pay by check,but of course you would want to make sure that everything is in order,so I''ll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow,then I''ll fetch the ring on Monday."

Monday morning a  a very pissed off jeweler calls the man.

"You lied,there''s no money in that account."

"I know,but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had."

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Medical Terminology

ARTERY----The study of painting

BACTERIA----The back door of the cafeteria

CAESERIUM SECTION-----A neighborhood in Rome

CAT SCAN----Searching for a kitty

CAUTERIZE-----Made eye contact with her

COLIC----A sheep dog

DILATE----To live long

ENAMA----Not a friend

FESTER----Quicker

G.I. SERIES----A soldier''s ballgame

IMPOTENT----Distinguished,well known

LABOR PAIN---- Getting hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF----A doctor''s cane

MORBID----A higher offer

NITRATES-----Cheaper than day rates

NODE----Was aware of

PAP SMEAR----A fatherhood test