The Wrath of Blackberry Winter

Despair stirred deep inside Mattie and she felt it creep up to her throat and choke her then well up in the back of her eyes where it caused them to sting and water.  Her chin began to quiver and her legs became rubber.  She collapsed between the rows and gave in to her overwhelming emotions.  She cupped her hands over her face and wept softly, then wracking sobs gushed from her throat and pent up sorrow, grief and hopelessness ushered from deep inside.Her grief and sorrow had been dry for too long.  The turmoil of the past few months finally caught up with her.  John’s death had affected her in ways no one knew.  His absence had brought loneliness in spite of all the family surrounding her and she missed him more than she could ever make any one understand – which she did not attempt to do.  Up until now her staunch demeanor camouflaged her feelings, her grief, her loneliness, her helplessness – yes, her helplessness.  She had worn the façade of independence but, now,  she needed some one.  She needed John.

The starch in her soul had at long last wilted.  She was now in the grips of depression and the despair of hopelessness that permeated the entire nation.  What was she going to do?  There was no money for clothes, medicine, staples or anything.  She could not borrow.  No one had money to lend.  Like every one else she prayed that the depression would soon end. She wept - not for the wilted plants but for what they represented - hope of the future – hope that had been crushed. The loss of an early garden was nothing – not enough to fall apart over.  She would re-plant and other plants would peak through the soil, thrive and produce.  It wasn’t the hard work, the blisters on her hands – she was used to that.  But the hope, the promise that she had embraced so many times which had repeatedly been crushed, now loomed over her.  She let the disappointment and despair she had endured so many times overtake her.  There had always been a reason not to give in to her emotions.  There were always people around to remind her.So she had always been staunch, resolute in her determination to not give way to her feelings.  But now the defeat of all the years heaped on her and she gave in to the overwhelming, indescribable emotions, which crushed her spirit.  Death had robbed her too many times.  Poverty had bound and imprisoned her.  Illness had invaded and weakened, then took its mighty hand and crushed the will to thrive.  Now The Great Depression was stealing every means to survive and ‘Mr. Mayo’ was not there to help.  What sorrow lay ahead of her she did not know.  Now, the last straw – Blackberry Winter.  Desperation had conquered her.Oh God!” she screamed “Help me!  Give me Strength!”Her sobs were muffled by her forearm as she bit into it.  She lashed out at all the deaths in her life.  She grieved for all the springtimes that had given her hope, blossoms of beauty to only be killed by the coldness of the Blackberry Winters.  The depression, despair, grief, sorrow, loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, uncertainty and fear that boiled in the caldron of her emotions now bubbled out in long exaggerated sobs.The hand on her back was soft, the fragrance familiar and the cheek against hers loving, but it, too, was damp with tears.  She opened her eyes quickly, startled at the sudden touch.”Mama, what’s the matter?””B-Brunice, where did you come from?  How did you get here?”“Don’t cry.”  Her daughter’s voice was soft and soothing. “Oh Mama, everything has gone wrong!  Everything!” she sobbed.Now, Brunice not only identified with her mama’s pain but allowed her own to surface - the refusal of the bank loan being the most recent.  She pulled Mattie close to her and they rocked back and forth as they sat on the soft, cool soil.“Mama, things were not supposed to turn out like this.”  Her voice quavered.  “The whole world has gone crazy.  What’s happening?”Mattie blinked her eyes to see Brunice’s face through the tears and took her thumb and wiped the tears from Brunice’s cheeks.  “It’s the wrath of life’s Blackberry Winter, honey.  That’s what it is. Life''s Blackberry Winter.”