Poems by A Mother
to raise awareness of the impact of child sexual abuse on the survivors and their families
by
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ADMISSION
You admitted it – you cried -
But in the next breath guilt denied
You couldn’t help it – you were stressed!
And why had no-one ever guessed
That you were so unhappy while
You seemed to laugh and talk and smile?
You offered me your wedding band
And said that, now I knew, you planned
To get a little house somewhere
Rebuild your life without me there.
No one else need know you said -
Unless perhaps I wished you dead?
Still later in that dreadful night
You pleaded that perhaps you might
Tell me “it all” right from the start –
The “dreadful childhood” victim part.
And, once my sympathy engaged,
Your latest role launched on the stage.
For weeks you said you still loved me
Agreed to counselling – to see
If there was any chance we might
Find someway to make things right.
‘Til, slowly, I began to see
The depths of your depravity.
So now you’re gone and I’m still here
Still existing, still not clear
Just where I am going to –
Or if I want to, without you.
The man I loved did not exist
But who I thought you were – I missed.
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About the Book
In searching for support for her children and herself, the author talked to child sexual abuse professionals and many “other mothers” whose children had been abused. She found that her family’s experiences were shared by many other families and that they all felt isolated and alone. They shared many dilemmas and questions. They shared the feelings of shock, horror, fear, guilt, grief and panic. They shared the difficulties of how to tell friends and family and often the trauma of going to court. They shared the frustration at other perception of sexual abuse and the ways that offenders often “excuse” their behavior.
These poems were therapeutic for the author and written to explain her own feelings and dilemmas but also to support other mothers and their children. They hope to raise public and professional awareness of the scale of child sexual abuse, to show how difficult it may be for children to disclose and the damage that is caused to the children, adult survivors and the people who care for them.
About the Author
Until February 2001, the author though she was happily married. She had a good job, a nice home and three children, the eldest of whom, a daughter, 28, was married and had a baby daughter of her own. Two sons lived at home – the elder aged 24 and working, the younger 16 and just starting GCSE examinations. She and her second husband had just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. She thought he was the perfect husband, step-father, and father.
Her daughter had kept a secret for nearly 20 years and disclosed to her mother only because she found it impossible to let her own daughter anywhere near her step-father. Finding out that her husband had sexually abused her daughter all those years ago, (starting very soon after the wedding when her daughter was 8 years old) was a total and devastating shock. The repercussions for the author, all her children and extended family and friends were traumatic, long lasting and wide ranging.