EMBALMER’S NIGHTMARE

It was about the mid-1950s when I can first recall an emerging interest in the funeral process. The death of my grandfather had left me with a lot of unanswered questions about the dead. Because I was from an old-fashioned Italian family, my questions were answered in the usual way for the times. “Pop is sleeping now,” or “Pop has gone away,” or “Pop is with God, bless his soul, he is finally happy.”

For me, these answers just inspired more questions, such as, “Wasn’t Pop happy here? I thought he liked playing checkers with me.” And, “If he went away, will he be back? If he is sleeping, why doesn’t he wake up?”  And I guess the biggest question in my mind was, “Why are they closing that box on Pop?” I once climbed into a cardboard box and closed it up, so I couldn’t understand how anyone could be happy in that situation.

I think that very few people know what they really want to do at the age of seven or eight, but my interest in this field seemed to stick with me ever since Pop’s funeral. I must dedicate this book to Pop, because he loved life and was a hell of a checker player, and I could not understand how he could be happier away from me.

The funeral business has always prompted a multitude of emotions. Some individuals do not want to know anything about it, while others can never learn enough. In the 1960s, a lot of funeral directors tried to hide what they really did. If anyone ever questioned some funeral directors about specifics of the business such as the embalming process or even about his general duties, he was always quite evasive. I guess the more questions that remained unanswered, the more my persistent interest in finding the answers grew. I must thank those funeral directors for that.

     The 1970s found the funeral profession at the polar opposite of their previous position. More funeral directors and embalmers like me were entering the field, and they felt that the public should know more about the reasons for our funeral customs, apart of the monetary value that they represented to the funeral director. With the help of Jessica Mitford, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and the Federal Trade Commission, the value of the modern funeral ceremony was deteriorating severely. I think that is when and why my interest expanded to include examining the idea that the funeral was beneficial and helpful to the living. So many people in the industry were uniting, getting involved to weed out any so-called “bad apples” that were giving the funeral industry a bad name at that time.

I started in the funeral business in 1970. I was newly married and just out of the United States Marine Corps. My role had changed drastically in a few short months, from being an independent, single person with no real responsibilities, to suddenly finding myself a husband trying to better himself in a profession, and eventually a father. At first, I looked at the funeral business through stained glass. In the profession I had chosen, everything was treated very seriously. It also took a considerable amount of stamina to do the things a funeral director and embalmer has to do. I guess that I had put them on some sort of pedestal.

But things are not always as they seem, and the funeral business is no exception. I still believe that the services offered today by funeral directors and embalmers are very necessary for the living, but the unfortunate situations that funeral directors and embalmers encounter should be told.

Before I begin the story, I would like to acknowledge my sincere debt to all my colleagues and friends who are funeral directors and embalmers throughout the world. In addition, I would like to inject a hint of the pride I feel toward our unique profession. This book is in no way meant to be critical of the thousands of martyrs who endlessly dedicate themselves to the people whom they serve. Also, it is not intended in any way to make jest of bereaved individuals who experience tragic hardships.

This book is based on a collection of case studies collected by the author, who was actually involved with such incidents. Some of you may find the events described in this book to be bizarre, ridiculous, morbid, hysterical, foolish, or any number of other descriptions that might apply, but I also think that you will find them interesting, as you placidly drift through these recollections with me.

Some of the incidents could only be appreciated by an individual associated with the profession. But I do hope that this book will help other people outside of our industry to take an insider’s look, to help them remove the dark cloak from the funeral director’s shoulders and see him or her as a real person who is sincere, interested, and yes, even an emotional and compassionate individual.