C.A.K.E.

INTIMACY

Few things in this life compare to the experience of being truly intimate with someone else. Intimate moments remain in your memory for your whole life. People who are dying are more likely to reflect on moments of intimacy than any other topic. Despite the commonly believed fantasy of what you would do with six months to live, most of you would prefer to spend intimate time with your intimate relationships rather than ‘going out with a bang’. Intimacy is more precious than any stone, more exhilarating than any ride or drug, and more contenting than the receipt of large sums of money. The lack of intimacy can lead to chronic depression and misery, whereas the presence of intimacy can help you through a variety of traumas and losses. It can even extend your life.

Sounds good, where can I buy some? Nowhere. Intimacy cannot be purchased. It is achieved. The capacity for intimacy is a basic interpersonal survival tool. We all have this capacity to varying degrees. Intimacy serves to deepen relationship bonds over time such that the little things in life have more meaning. Trivial events switch places with ‘big deal’ events in the ‘collective memory’ of an intimate couple. The time when you smeared the back of your partner’s T-shirt (when you were both painting the baby room together) outweighs buying the house, the car, and the money worries you shared. That’s what people remember when they’re grieving the loss of an intimate relationship. That’s what intimate couples talk about when one member of that couple is dying. Intimacy is an instrument of interpersonal influence that guides a relationship towards its closest moments.