A Matter Of Perception

CHAPTER TWENTY - TWO

... "Leonard, I want you to move out. I want you to get counseling from Jeremiah." Dr. Jeremiah Crandall had been their marriage therapist ten years previously when communication issues had arisen following Emily’s accident. "We can also meet together once a month with Dr. Crandall for counseling." Leonard responded in a bewildered wariness, "You are asking a lot. "I know Leonard, but you and I need to each figure out what we want in this marriage. I also want you to continue taking care of Emily and me, financially, paying the bills and making sure I have enough money for both our personal needs." "Madeline, why have you so suddenly come to this conclusion. I know you have had your problems, but ....." Before Leonard could say more Madeline put up a hand. "Stop right there." She took a deep breath to calm herself. _____________________________________________

CHAPTER THIRTY - EIGHT

"...What have you become obsessed with? What in your life do you call, ‘my precious’?" He made suggestions such as: material objects; accumulated wealth; money; particular relationships; a goal; a job; success. Following the service parishioners stayed for a guided discussion and Madeline stayed to listen. She sat quietly in the pew and listened to them talk with the pastor about the message. She asked herself those same questions in relationship to the work within the church and the people that she had left. She thought, what was I so obsessed with, wanted to have possession of, that it wreaked havoc and disrupted my life? What was it that I would not let go during that period of my life? What had caused what I believed to be a deep friendship, to fail? She listened to others talk about their fears and obsessions. One older gentleman spoke of his desire to do things right. She heard him say, "I just want to get everything right. I guess I am a perfectionist." And then after a pause. "I guess I make everyone miserable around me, because I want them to do the same. I have always been obsessed with perfection in myself and others and it doesn’t always make for good relationships." Another petite woman spoke of her obsession with neatness and a man in his early forties spoke of his constant negativism and judgement of others. Several parishioners spoke of their need to always have to please people and how often a need to be or have something would affect the way they behaved or made choices. "I have thought for sure if I didn’t do my housework and cook the way my mother did I would be a failure," stated a nervous young woman. "I guess I have been afraid she wouldn’t approve if I tried to do things differently. And I really wanted to try new things." Madeline realized she was no different than they. She was not immune to disruption or making wrong choices. She knew she had to face the truth about her own obsessions. Arriving home that Sunday morning she shared with Leonard the discussion that had occurred and what she wrote in her journal concerning herself. "A person has to live her own life sometime. She can’t, forever, be chained in manacles she forged for herself, and put on herself. I had done this. I had wanted ministry. I would have done anything to have it. I wanted to preach. I would have given anything to do it. And I did. I did not even consciously know that I was chaining myself into a relationship and a life that would be detrimental. I thought that because I had a call, I had no choice but to stay in that work space. I had become obsessed." Leonard’s response was ...