All I Wanted Was Love
by
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It was July 23, 1986, my ninth birthday, and my mother was in the hospital. I was stuck there with my grandma. I didn’t mind being with my grandmother; actually, I was sort of enjoying myself, but I couldn’t stop thinking that something terrible was going to happen to my mother, the one person that meant so much to me.
Even though I was only nine and my sister was seven, we knew what it meant when someone died. It meant you’d never see them again; you’d never get another chance to say “I love you.” The reason I loved my mom so much was that I didn’t have a dad, so I gave my mom her love and my dad’s love too. I had a step dad and a sister, whom I loved very much, but it wasn’t the same as having a real father. All I ever wanted was a normal family who would love me no matter what, but I never got it. At least I don’t think I did.
When my mom met my dad, she was a virgin. It was her freshman year of college, and she didn’t know anything about boys because her parents had forbidden her and her siblings from dating. The day they met, one thing led to another, and I was born nine months later. At least that’s what I was told or how I remembered it.
I don’t blame my mother; accidents do happen and people make mistakes! My mom loved my dad, but I don’t know how my dad felt about my mom because I’ve never met him. I do know that my dad was going to marry my mom, but something happened that made him leave. She hasn’t heard from him since.
“Destiny, we are about to take a picture.” said my sister, Melissa. My sister, cousins, and I crammed together and smiled. After we ate all of the goodies and drank some punch, my sister, cousins, and I went outside and walked up and down the sidewalks. I pretended to be enjoying myself, but they knew I was faking it. All I could think about was my mom. I am sure my sister, the “momma’s girl”, was thinking about her too and that she was just as scared as I was.
When my grandma went to the hospital to give my mother some cake, I wanted to go with her, but I couldn’t, because I was too young to get into her room. All I knew was that if my mother died, I was going to kill myself.
I tried to kill myself every time I got in trouble because I hated being fussed at and I wanted to be perfect. I would go in the kitchen, take a butcher knife, and point it at my stomach. I am not sure why I chose my stomach instead of my heart or another major organ. Every time I was going to commit suicide someone stopped me; usually my sister, Melissa.
If my mom died, she would go to Heaven because she was a holy, pure woman. But according to my religion, if I killed myself, I’d go to HELL because I was neither saved nor holy. The reason Melissa stopped me every time I wanted to commit suicide, was that God wanted me to be here. God gave me life; he put me on this earth for a reason and I have to do what I came here for. I didn’t know then and I am not sure now what my purpose is, but I am going to be here until I accomplish whatever it is I’m here for. I just feel it!
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About the Book
All I Wanted was Love is about true life experiences. It is about a girl, Destiny, who searches for love in all the wrong places. The death of her mother at an early age, combined with a lack of a father, fuels her frantic quest for love and acceptance.
Family as well as friends continuously disappoint her; she doesn't feel that anyone loves her; not even God. Her aunt, who takes her in after her mother dies, she feels does so only to fulfill her promise to her sister; she never wanted children. Destiny's grandfather, to whom she was very attached, ends up disappointing her tremendously, and to make matters worse, her uncle, the one person she does feel loved by, is killed in a tragic accident.
Her desperate need to be loved impairs her judgment as she pursues a multitude of relationships. Inevitably, each one ends with her feeling hurt, disappointed, and betrayed. Thus, a loveless life full of heartache seems to be her plight.
Despite Destiny's torment, she manages to put herself through college by working full time as well as to develop enough self-respect to extricate herself from many abusive relationships. Ultimately, she becomes pregnant by a love interest, and then is faced with the ultimate decision; should she have the baby, and if so, should she marry the father and settle for a man who she's not sure will give her the love that she longs for. Will she find love? No one knows for sure.
Although the situations in All I Wanted was Love are extreme, at its core, it is a story about the inherent struggles and hardships in life, love, and growing up. As such, every reader will identify with, cry with, and root for the main character, Destiny.