Little Brown Boy's Blues

"All the good black men are either dead, married, gay, in jail or waiting to be born" is something I heard a young lady say during a single’s Bible study.  We were discussing the possibility of some of us in the class never getting married.  Before making this statement, she told the pastor he needed to come up with some more programs together so some of the women in the class could have the hope of getting married.  She then went on to give a dramatic speech called “Who Is Left to Love the Black Woman?”

I was very offended.  And the whole time she was giving her lil’ speech, I was lookin’ at Mz. Lady like she’d bumped her head.  After her speech, the pastor asked if any of the men in the class would like to respond.  So, you KNOW I raised my hand right?  And the pastor just shook his head, because he KNEW what was coming. 

I stood up in front of the class, cleared my throat, and said, “I don’t think the problem here is ‘who’s left to love the black woman, but rather who is qualified!”  I also told Mz. Lady that she owed every man in the class an apology because ALL OF US in the class thought of ourselves as good men.  I mean, I’m a DAYUM good man.  I’m strong black man my parents raised me to be.  I stand up for what is right.  I pay my taxes.  I have a job and I’m independent.  I love God.  I’m respectful and respectable.  Like I said, I’m a DAYUM good man. 

After the Bible study, she was kinda swole with me for stealing her thunder in the class.  But eventually she apologized and said it was not her intent to offend anyone in the class that night. 

That experience planted something in me and leads me to ask the question "These days, what IS a good man?”  Everyone has their own idea of what makes a man "good,” so it's difficult to set a concrete definition.  When asked that question, most of the single men I asked said they consider themselves good men.  Which leads me to my next question…”If so many people (straight women and gay men) are looking for ‘good men’, why are so many presumed good men single?  I could come up with only one answer.  Maybe not all the people who are looking really are looking for a good man at all.