The (Naughty) Little Blue Book for the Office and the Bathroom

My darling nurses

Day and night shifts - one, two three

I got loaded with I.V.

Water packing on my leg

Pinned in bed, what a drag.

Gentle tap as clock shows five

Medication will arrive.

Fever check now comes with cheer,

With plastic tip in your ear.

Hiding your veins best you may,

“Ms Drakula” fills her tray,

Arms still dripping, partly lame,

Plastic bottle missed your aim.

Dozing off can only brief,

Breakfast arrives as relief:

1/2 oz. juice and pigeon’s egg

Would just fill a squirrel’s “bag”.

You then ask for bathroom can,

What you get an icy pan,

Presented as extra care,

Bedpans cooled in frigidaire.

Morning wash comes at lunchtime,

- Working slowly down the line...

Oh, it is those gentle hands

Bringing joy and ticklish trance.

Magnificent, yet unfair

Is this one-sided affair,

I could not wash your long spine

While you’ve seen all that is mine.

Then a fast zoom and quick “Hi,”

Was it a jet flashing by?

No, - you learn as up you sit,

‘T was your doctor’s long visit.

Still ahead a good strong fight,

Don’t lose spirit, less be tight,

Needles, pills, baths, some X-ray

‘Till they send you on your way.

When you think that all is well,

Makes you fall in a deep well -

What it will take months to fill

Is your mile-long final bill.