Requiem into Adulthood

PROLOGUE

For years I have kept secret what I’m about to reveal because I was too humiliated to even admit it for several reasons. What would my family (outside of my Mom, Dad, & Brother) think of me? Would they understand or not? Would my friends stand by me or turn their backs? Would I be able to have a meaningful relationship with the man I was made to be with? Would he love me unconditionally & understand me or abandon me? I never thought it could happen to me; but it’s always easier to be the one who is outside the situation than the one going through it. I feel I’m risking a great deal by telling this; however, if this will help someone else who may be suffering with a similar situation or whatever they may be faced with and give them the courage to make it through, then my sacrifice will be well worth it.

At the age of 13 I suffered a severe emotional trauma, one that unfortunately still haunts me today as an adult. It caused tremendous emotional, mental & physical pain & damage. It was so bad that it made me suicidal and robbed me of my identity and to a teenager what could be worse. My parents & brother can tell you it was like I ceased to be myself and became nothing more than a hollow shell, introverted and cut off from the world. I lost interest in things that made me happy, cried everyday, despair & hopelessness enveloped my mind on a daily basis, felt completely worthless, had absolutely no energy or self-esteem and my world just fell apart. My mind was in a constant state of turmoil, my physical body was here but my spirit for all intention purposes was “dead” I was barely existing. I’m pretty sure the majority of people have heard it said that is was like “being trapped in purgatory”. That is exactly what my life was like when I was a teenager. So when thinking of a title for my book being that it reflects this period of my life it made perfect sense. The purpose of a requiem is to offer prayers for the souls to be granted entrance into Heaven. In my case my parents, (my mother especially) prayed for me to come back to “life” and be myself again. Think of it as my spirit was released from purgatory & crossed over from death back to life if that makes sense. The whole ordeal for me was a battle; but even though things were at their worst for me in the end I overcame that situation. Even now when I feel down or feel myself slipping, I do my best to hold on to what I know to be true and remember how I made it before. I’m in a repair period with my wounds healing with the passage of time. I truly believe without a shadow of a doubt that soon I will be fully recovered. I’m close, but I’m not quite ready yet, soon though. Yes things still get hard for me now but I am eternally grateful that with all I went through, the darkness has been conquered and now the bright & glorious light is shining to illuminate my life’s journey.

“And let perpetual light shine upon them”

Quote from the opening of the Introit.

The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition- Online 2007