From Monkeys to Men and Back
A Preposterously Essential Science Lesson According To A Darn Good Ex Chicken Farmer
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According to theory, after… [primates]… became quite plentiful, a small African ape evolved upon the scene and ended up being the last animal whose descendants would include both modern humans and their closest relatives, the chimpanzees. Evolutionists believe that soon after the two branches of monkeys split, one branch developed the ability to walk upright and brain size in this branch began increasing rapidly. Evolutionists say that by two million years ago the very first animals classified in the genus Homo had appeared. Apparently, a bungle in the jungle turned a knuckle dragging monkey into a foul postured Homo Ape that would eventually give birth to a philosophical human. Now before we continue with this preposterously essential science lesson, let me just mention again that I can’t see a thing about the evolution theory that makes any sense. For instance, I don’t understand why a perfectly good monkey just up and accidentally started receiving hip replacements and brain enlargements. It’s not like those adjustments ever benefited that monkey. This is particularly evident in the fact that that monkey’s big brained offspring are at this very moment ruining the monkey’s habitat. Was something already wrong with that particular monkey besides having to deal with mutational-type problems? Was he always tearing stuff up or something like that? He must’ve been different somehow, and in view of the damage that has occurred to our planet due to the supposed hip and brain modifications, it seems to me that the only explanation is that some monkey got a hankering to want to mess more stuff up than your average monkey and natural selection accidentally obliged him by turning his offspring into humans! Think about it. About all the damage your average monkey could ever do is maybe poop in a creek or possibly break a few limbs off a tree, but now some monkeys are having to poop in cesspools and about the only thing they’re breaking is wind in deserts where rain forests used to be. Natural selection must’ve been on a mission, huh evolutionists? Yes sir, jack a disorderly monkey’s knuckles up off the ground and mess with his head a little bit, and the next thing you know you’ve got global warming! Uh huh, a monkey with the big head has really worked things out if the evolution theory is accurate. Oh I know this far-fetched theory that a bunch of monkeys turned human just to mess things up sounds stupid, but accidental hip adjustments and blind chance brain enlargements on a bunch of monkeys don’t? How about let’s give credit where credit is due! Oh well, enough about trying to figure out why some monkeys aren’t monkeys anymore. It’ll mess with your brain. You know—the one you supposedly got from a monkey. And that reminds me. Have you considered the predicament the brain-size increase would’ve brought upon a family of monkeys as they grappled with the big head? Since each new generation’s brain would’ve been larger than the generations before it, the younger generation would’ve been smarter than former generations. This means the kids were smarter than the parents! Yap, according to theory there was a long period of time when the kid’s really did know everything instead of just thinking they did. No doubt this situation didn’t sit well with daddy monkey. In fact he must’ve been downright mad about the whole darn process. Besides having to move the family into a cave because ongoing hip replacements made it more and more difficult to shimmy up a tree, he felt he had to control his big-headed kids by carrying a big club across his shoulder while dragging his female companion around by the hair of the head. Evidently oppression can cause a fellow to act downright crazy, huh? Is this the type of thing that happens when an animal starts losing its instinctive abilities? Must be. With madman daddy ape on the loose, it’s a wonder a bunch of evolving monkeys ever made it to manhood! And by the way; have you ever wondered where all the Homo Apes have gone? I mean, there are still plenty of knuckle-dragging monkeys around but none of their supposedly more advanced forms. If animals such as apes really did progress up the evolutionary scale, thus becoming more capable of surviving, then why is the “inferior” ape family still in existence but not a single one of the presumed intermediate forms which were supposed to be more advanced in evolution? Today we see chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans, but no superior ape-men. Why would the more recent and supposedly more advanced links between apelike creatures and modern man become wiped out, but not the lower apes? Where are all our Homo Ape cousins?
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About the Book
For anyone scratching their head at the theory of evolution and the Big Bang, Alvin Allison offers a dose of humor to go along with the absurdity. From Monkeys to Men and Back: A Preposterously Essential Science Lesson According to a Darn Good Ex Chicken Farmer is a laugh-out-loud take on the theory of evolution and the supposedly solid proof modern science offers about human origins. With irreverent, clever humor, Allison dissects evolutionists’ theories about how species evolved into the creatures of today. He analyzes scientific evidence and direct arguments from some of the world's leading scientists. He offers thought-provoking, witty counterpoints, which in themselves illustrate evolution theory’s flimsy foundation. From Monkeys to Men and Back is an invitation to those who find the theory and teaching of evolution a jaw-dropping sham to chuckle at the reasoning behind some of evolution theorists’ claims.
About the Author
Raised on a chicken farm just outside the small town of
I do admit though that I have never written a book until I wrote From Monkeys to Men and Back, and the fact is I didn’t even attend college after graduating from high school. Actually, I spent many of my adult years as an over-the-road truck driver. Yet, while evolutionists would most likely read my book and say it’s obvious I’m no scientist, (maybe a kook) I’m sure those who don’t believe in evolution will see that I do have enough scientific knowledge to know that humans, or any other mammal for that matter, are not the result of some primitive reptile accidentally growing mammary.
I wrote From Monkeys to Men and Back in hopes that those who feel as I do about the teaching of evolution might get a laugh out of it while at the same time receiving even more reason to continue believing that the only possible way we humans could’ve gotten here was not because some monkey lost practically his entire ability to climb trees, but because of an intentional creative act by a loving Creator.