ONE: The Book

I am often asked, why did you write this book and what do you want your readers to get from it. They must teach that in journalism class, because almost all interviews have that question in some form in it.

First of all, why write it? I guess it is mostly for therapy for me. I have always been able to express myself in the written word better that in the verbal type. Those who know me will tell you that I can talk all right and usually talk too much. Whenever I had to make a presentation in front of a group, I would write out whatever it was I was going to say just so I would get clear in my mind what message I wanted to convey. In this case, it has been a means for me to put my feelings and thoughts on paper, to kind of organize them in my life. I do not write on a daily basis and it is not a vocation, not at this time anyway. It is something that I do whenever the mood or spirit of the mood hits me. I can be driving or sitting at home and all of a sudden an idea will hit and I need to get to the computer to put something down that conveys the idea. I never know what will come out of each such session, and even when I am done, I usually cannot tell you what I wrote. It is as though I am taking dictation. A perfect example is the chapter entitled “A letter From Lynne.” The idea hit me while on a drive from the farm into Howard to get a hotdog for supper. The title was very clear, but when I got back to the cabin and the computer, it just started putting words on the paper with no idea of what was coming next. People that knew Lynne and have read that piece say “It sounds just like her, just like she would have said it.” When I finished it, I could not tell you what it contained, it was as if she wanted me to tell her story and asked that I tell it to you. So in that case, the writing is a way of conveing a message about life and living that just seems to need to be told. It is as though I have a job to do and it is being created by a situation that I had no control over and thus the book is being produced as if I have no control over it. I think I could have been a good teacher if I chose to follow my college education and the resulting degree. It just seems that I have the ability to covey a message in such a way that people can understand what I am trying to say and in so doing, helping them to learn. Maybe that is what I am trying to do-teach. Teach a lesson that all of us will have to learn at some point in our lives. We will all loose someone, sometime, and we must know that we can deal with it. This book is my attempt in teaching that lesson, that we must persevere and by my writing about my way of dealing with my loss and surviving and being made whole once again, someone else can say, “If he can do it, so can I”

As for what do I want my readers to get out of reading this book? Maybe it is just this. Life is not fair, but no one promised it would be. You must deal with the hardships you have been given. It is how you deal with these hardships that will tell whether you are better for them or you let them win, and in so doing, take you down. I am proof that you can win. You can look tragedy in the eye and win in the stare-down. It is not going to be entertaining, but hopefully an educational effort. It is not so dark that you will feel terrible for having read it. It is just one man’s life and how he deals with the days that make up that life. It is a lesson; that if it helps one person see that it can be done, it will be worth the time it took to do. Like any lesson, it must have a relevance to the person whom the lesson is directed. In this case, that person is you. Oh by the way, the line that I kept repeating all through the time from diagnosis to death and the time to follow was this; “Don’t let the bastards win.” I am still saying that and so far, they haven’t. You probably have not purchased this book for yourself; I must admit, I would not have; but more than likely have been given it by someone who cares for you, cares a lot. That is good because it means that it was an attempt by someone you know to say, “You are important to me and I wan