The "God Thing" In A.A.

SOBRIETY SUCKS! At least that seems to be the consensus among alcoholics who have reluctantly quit drinking for one reason or another. It might be okay for a day or two, subject to the degree of our dependence, but the moment we feel that we’re being denied the “pleasure” we derive from drinking, our alcoholic mind demands that we return. And to facilitate our return, it will rationalize any and all circumstances to justify taking a drink! What happens next is a process that continues to baffle both the medical community and most moderate drinkers. We alcoholics are unable to stop at one drink, and are destined to continue drinking until our usual “end game” has been achieved. In my experience, and that of many others that I have shared with in Alcoholics Anonymous, the problem doesn’t seem to lie in stopping drinking, as most alcoholics have “quit” hundreds of times, it’s staying stopped that’s the problem! And since our drinking generates such detrimental outcomes, both to ourselves and others, it begs the question as to why we pick up that first drink when we’re cold sober? Could it be that we want another load of problems and self-loathing to add to our pile? Not very likely. What happens is that our alcoholic mind assures us that “This time it will be different!” I’m convinced that the reason we want to drink is that drinking makes us feel happy, joyous, and free, even if only for a brief period. It’s that simple; and, it’s that powerful! We see it not as the problem, but as the solution to the discomfort of living an unfulfilled life. What we’re seeking is “happiness,” and, if drinking brings us happiness, we’d have to be insane not to drink. My problem was that drinking was no longer providing the happiness I sought, no matter how brief that period might be. That presented me with a real dilemma, because not only was sobriety not providing happiness, neither was drinking! What had been the “solution” was now simply killing me through a death of a thousand cuts. The equation had changed. As alcohol no longer brought me happiness, I’d have to be insane to drink. This was clearly the worst of both worlds. Sobriety sucks, and so does drinking. My feelings of inadequacy, boredom, and futility had nowhere to turn. Talk about being screwed! Now what? I had been in A.A. for just over one year, prior to having a “slip” and returning to drinking on-and-off for the next eight years. Then, I finally got serious about changing my life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and desperately needed to find a way to be happy, joyous, and free without the need to use alcohol. Perhaps if I looked more closely at the program, and listened more intently to those who had found what I was looking for, I too might find it. And besides I had run out of options. What I discovered was that the objective of the A.A. program is not just sobriety, it is so much more than that. It shows us a way to find what we have been searching for our entire lifetime, true happiness and a real sense of belonging! Sobriety is just the ante. We are promised that we will have a spiritual awakening as the result of working the 12-steps. Often referred to by skeptics of the program as the “God thing” in Alcoholics Anonymous. The truth of the matter is that the “God thing” is the difference between staying sober through personal determination and individual effort, and living a sober life in which we are happy, joyous, and free, under the care and direction of a higher Power. Having fought a losing battle with ourselves for so many years, can there be any remaining question about the desirability of having a spiritual awakening?