Nuthouse Love
by
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Our love was dead months ago, but the thought of our beginning and possible “good” ending” kept us on life support or love support. But him awakening and pulling an argument right from the air and resorting to another kick, punch and verbal assault eventually pulled the plug. There was no happiness in trying to comfort the king of sorrows, gangster of love and a confused Muslim. In his worse hours and times of resentment I still attempted to make him happy, if not for the sake of me or us, but the children. He was in love with one of his light-skinned mistresses Shelly, but in knowing she mastered “his kind” she treated him like a money tree; a place where you get a piece of wood, green leaves (money) and go. He loved her or thought of conquering her, but she was ten steps ahead and counting. On some nights he'd talk to her in his sleep, but wake up angry that she was lying next to him. Sometimes I pretend I was she; until he fully awake, but on the busy nights and mornings I spray her favorite perfume on the pillows and sheets from him to awake to some form of pleasure. Oddly it would take him some time to realize I loved him and wanted him to be ultimately happy, but I wasn't any longer in love with him. The mixed emotions of having one to love you, but no longer being in love was sometimes met with a loving hug and apology and other times “you a crazy bitch”. “What kind of woman would spray another bitch's perfume in her bed, you must want to fuck her too”. Losing his power and edge made him crazier than he already was. He didn't understand or accept the reality that I had moved on mentally, and my physically frame was only locked and chained by his verbal threats of hurting the family, myself and his risky behaviors of lying a gun and bullets on a plate implying death was from dinner and another body bag would be for dessert. Losing his power made him more abusive, confused and disrespectful. No longer did he say anything nice to the kids or me, pull down the toilette seat or shut the door when making bowel movement. He did whatever he thought would piss me off; including shaking up a soda and allowing it fuzz on me when I'd walk by, but it didn't matter.
Walking around sticky wasn't out of the norm after episodes alone with the popsicles and cold thighs. Loving him was no different than slavery; in being trapped between the arms of master that only cared about the equality of his needs. Most brave and fed up slaves of the past at a point preached freedom or death, and on a warm night in September I ran for freedom and assumed I left death behind. In the middle of the night while he snored, farted and laid up with Samira I packed a small suitcase and some of Ki's things, placd Homer and Petty in a cab and headed for Aunt Joy's home. She was aware of the abuse as his Uncle Mikeal and enticed me to leave. No longer was I willing to suffer in silence and swallow my pride. The pains of being a fool and swallowing my pride gave me a stomachache and later the runs. No longer was I willing to raise a middle finger and name it love; when I was constantly being loved the wrong way. Aside from the beatings and other mental abuse, I was being evicted from my section 8 home for several reports/acts of violence reported by the community, and troubles with the police and feds didn't help. Our home was always being staked out and from arguments with Samira I later found the stand was shut down from not only the illegal activity of selling bootleg merchandise Ki was selling drugs and running credit card scams.
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About the Book
Nuthouse Love, the one and only spin off of Kenny Attaway’s novel Slum Beautiful, is a critical, up front; passionate oozing documented real life experiences of Rasheeda “Sade” Griffin and her three best friends Mesh, Bay and Nika plight to find true and meaningful love. But in their plight of finding true love the young girls’ then woman engages in physical, emotional, spiritual, financial and social abuse shared by themselves, other woman and the men they become in unisome with. Unluckily throughout the sails in the winds of love self worth they discover not only the harsh reality of hurt, pain and agonies of domestic abuse, but they slip and fall in the egg yolk of their imperfections and insecurities. Regardless of the unforgettable mishaps of her close friends, others involved in her life; including supporting confidants Monica, Mrs. Cent and college friends and herself, she continues her voyage to the point of no return. Nuthouse not only details the experiences, trials and tribulations of many of the woman, but the harsh realism of the black man’s fears, misguidance social and emotional troubles and enigmas as he/their boyfriends take them through at first hand experience that they’d refer to as the “nuthouse” and nuthouse love. The “nuthouse” term becomes symbolic for not only the feelings emerged from type of men the woman date and become evolved with, but a nickname for an actual place several of the characters visit in the impatient facility for abused woman Love Lockdown. Rich in detail, filled with angelic landscapes of unforgettable real life realities and mournful endings-Nuthouse Love is a must read.
About the Author
Kenny Attaway, author of Inkquani, In the Arms of Baby Hop, Slum beautiful and Kool Pennies & Hot Nickels is currently penning two new novels: Mrs. Emmaculate's Handbook and A Nutt it takes a Stone to Crack due very shortly. Kenny lives in Sharon Hill, Pa and is continuing to pursue his PHD in clinical psychology, in unison with penning plays, novels, and movies and his work in photography and fashion.