Chapter One
No More Drama in My Relationships
H ow many of you has so much drama in your life, or have experienced so much drama that you could write a book? The real reason why we have so much drama in our relationships is because we don’t believe in ourselves and most of us have low self esteem. We all have experienced some hurt with the opposite sex or other women that we have trusted. Some women have allowed men to disrespect them and use them without being held accountable to a committed relationship. Many of you have even accepted living together instead of doing it God’s way.
If your man loves you, then he will do the right thing by marrying you. If not, then you should cut him loose. It’s really that simple. It does not take 5 years for a man to decide if you are the one for him. Even Beyonce says “If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.” You are cheating yourself out of being valued and respected for the woman God has made you to be.
This situation will cause not only drama, but insecurities, trust issues, becoming a people pleaser, and a fear of being alone. When you live with a man before marriage, you take the risk of enabling him to never marry you. Why? because he will become complacent by “playing house.” I am all for taking risks, but not at the expense of giving up my morals and values for a person who is unsure about me!
Ladies, once a man finds out how you think and process information, he will determine how much time he has to play around with you before you demand more. Have you heard that old saying “what you pay for you value?” Well, what you get free, you will not value because it came so easily and without any work. Hey it was free! He won’t value you!
Bringing two together as one, is hard enough without complicating things by playing house. This can be too much pressure on the relationship. Don’t misunderstand me! I know you are a beautiful and intelligent woman and I know you’ve got it going on, but he won’t love you the way you need him too if you allow him to think he can have you free, no strings attached.
How about we try it God’s way? Some of us would rather have something of a man, rather than none at all. That’s a waste of your life and time. If that’s you, then I am sorry that you are struggling. I feel for you. I know it’s hard because God did not design a relationship to operate this way. Don’t spend time with jokers who don’t know what they want out of life. We should be able to identify a joker by now. How many of you have chosen the wrong guy at least twice? And some of you have made the same mistake more often than that.
Let’s keep it real!
We, as women, are relational beings, so our emotions get attached to people we spend time with. And, some of us love very hard. You can cut out all the drama in your relationships if you hold to fast to God’s standards and don’t budge from them. Many women feel that their time clock is ticking, or that the handsome ones are gay, married or incarcerated. Having this mindset will pressure you to settle for what comes your way, by lowering your standards or take the attitude that you don’t need a man to complete you. You are fine all by yourself.
Many times we are looking for the wrong type of man. Oftentimes you ask the wrong questions of men we that might interest us. As women, we ask what church do you go too, instead of what series is you’re Pastor in currently teaching in? Ask him what ministry he is currently serving in and for how long? Do you have a prayer life? Do you attend bible study weekly? If you are seriously thinking about pursuing this man, then your next question should be, “Would you like to meet my Pastor?” This will eliminate men who are not interested in serving God.
There is not a shortage of good men; there is a shortage of women that will hold a man accountable for being a Godly man. That’s why you need to know what you want in a relationship. If not, he will dictate to you how the relationship will flow. Only the word of God should dictate the flow of the relationship.
Now, for the women who don’t want to do it God’s way and want to do it your way, my question for you would be, “Has your method worked for you in the past?” There are a lot of good men available. The question you need to ask yourself is are you ready for the man that God said is for you or do you think you know what’s best for you? Many of you choose men who fit where you are in life right now, instead of where God is taking you. Does he have a plan? What’s his vision? Does he have a vision for the both of you together? Not having a plan will cause drama to arrive on your door step.
“Where is no vision, the people perish.”
Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)
When a man has enough resistance in a relationship he will treat you the way you require. We have to smoke him out! Wait and see if he meets the standard. For example, when you get a new job, the administration gives you their goals, objectives (standards) and says that they will evaluate your performance in 90 days. After the 90 day trial period they will make a decision if you meet their company standards.
During the dating stage it’s like a trial period. The problem arises when your man doesn’t meet the standard and you buckle under pressure. You are deceiving yourself if you think you are going to be happy with this man. Instead, you will be empty and unfilled. The enemy will try to trick you into believing that he a good man, he has a good job, the sex is good, etc. God has set these standards for our good, so we can identify the counterfeit.
Women, please stop thinking that when you sleep with him, then God will fix him and then he will marry you! Oh my goodness, I have seen this over and over. Yet you say, “If I give it to him just the way he likes it he is coming to church, he is going to get saved.” You think he is eating out of your hands, but really you end up eating out of his.
By having a purpose in your life you can avoid going through some unnecessary drama if you know what you will except and what you will not tolerate. This is critical because before you get involved and fall in love with the person God hasn’t designed for you; make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. He must be able to add to you, not subtract. It’s important to learn how to love yourself first, be confident in walking in who God has called you to be, and be able to discern the right person for you, depending on your kingdom assignment.
Learn how to be single with God first, before you link up with another person.