The Checklist
The Perfect Tool for Choosing the PERFECT Mate
by
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Introduction
It is the middle of the night. I pulled off my CPAP and decided to sit down at our dinner table and write this book. Over the past 30 years I have shared my checklist with countless people. Some have used it - most have not. Those that have used it and applied it have found the right person for them and their marriages have withstood the tests of time and turbulence. Most (not all) of those that haven't applied it have not been so fortunate.
In the winter of 1977 the woman I had been married to for 10 years, and whom I had dated since I was a junior in high school, left me. I never saw it coming. I was devastated. I wondered where I had gone wrong. I read books on Human Relations. I read self help books. I went to counseling. I did a lot of soul searching.
Over the next three years I dedicated myself to figuring out what I had done wrong and what I could do in the future to ensure that the next person I decided to pursue with the intent of marriage would keep those wedding vows. Gradually, a nameless, faceless, emotionless checklist emerged. There were seven criteria on The Checklist. The criteria had nothing to do with looks, age, culture, any specific religion, social or economic status, race or political affiliation. Using The Checklist I could tell on the first or second date whether or not I should pursue the relationship or drop it. And if I already knew the person, I knew enough about them to either avoid asking them out to begin with, or I knew that they met most of the criteria on The Checklist and I just needed to finish out the “interview” process.
The woman I will have been married to for almost three decades was the first woman I dated after my divorce that met all seven criteria on
You might ask, “What if I don't meet some of the criteria on
That's a fair question. The answer is: to the degree you don't meet it you may have sown the seeds of your future divorce. Because I want both parties to succeed and have a happy marriage I have addressed both the criteria and how one might meet that criteria should they measure themselves and find they come up short. In short, this book is designed to help the reader find their future spouse AND become a spouse with a solid future. Marriage, under any circumstances, is a lot of work. Any time you put two adult human beings under the same roof there is bound to be differences and conflict. Anyone who claims to have been blissfully married without arguments, disagreements or outright fighting is either lying or on “happy” drugs. These seven criteria won't guarantee that your marriage will be happy 24/7. But it will guarantee that your marriage has 100 times better chance of survival than someone who selected a spouse without applying the fundamental principles which emerge from
This is your screening manual whether you are male or female, 16 or 65. You are never too young or too old to learn - or change. Nigel Hughes 15 January 2010
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About the Book
Evaluating the people you date against The Checklist will help you avoid investing time, energy and emotion in a relationship that will ultimately end in misery. Most of us have engaged in a relationship that we wished we had managed to avoid. If we had only had a crystal ball that could show us what path to take we would've walked away from the relationship long before we got hurt. The Checklist is the next best thing to a crystal ball. It provides 7 criterion that you can use to determine the viability of a life-long relationship. To the degree that the person you are dating doesn't meet one or more criterion on The Checklist you have handicapped yourself and accepted a relationship that has a high chance of failure. On the other hand, if you find someone who meets all 7 criterion on The Checklist the author guarantees a lifetime of happiness with that individual - if you can manage to marry them. The 7 criterion were developed by the author over a four year period after his ex-wife left him with several children to raise on his own. For those that are familiar with US singer/song writer Kenny Rogers' famous line "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille", this was just such a moment . The pain of divorce was magnified by the difficulty of being a single parent several times over. But out of the crucible of the author's experiences came The Checklist, a gift for anyone who truly wants to find Mister or Miss Right. Nigel Hughes uses stories from his life that flesh out the origin and rationale of each criterion. You will find yourself deeply touched by the stories and completely convinced by his compelling logic. This is an easy must read for anyone wanting a permanent relationship. And it's the essential field guide for that friend, son, daughter, parent or sibling that is looking for someone with whom to share the rest of their life.
About the Author
Nigel Hughes was a divorced single parent for a number of years, and thus highly motivated to find the right person the second time around. Over three years of intense study and soul searching led him to develop the criterion in this book and ultimately to his wife of nearly thirty years. The author is an avid observer of human nature and loves helping people. What money he doesn't need he gives to charity or panhandlers. He firmly believes that anything you do to or for another human being will come back to you tenfold: if it is good, to your good; if it is bad, to your condemnation and misery. He tries to see the best in people and never says anything privately about someone that he would not say in their presence. While Hughes has had a significantly challenging adult life, he has also cultivated much happiness and would not trade his growth experiences for billions of Euros, rupees, yen or dollars. His philosophy is to live a life that no one will envy and drive cars that no one wants to steal. To the author, adulation is poison and anonymity the true key to happiness. His pursuit of simplicity leads him to a home void of television. The highlight of his day is the nightly dinner with family--where the favorite pastime is discussion of a good article or book. Or, more often than not, laughing at the effects of Dad's simple life. Nigel Hughes considers his greatest accomplishments to be maintaining sanity during his years as a single parent, keeping his wife happy for almost three decades, and nurturing children and grandchildren into the exciting 2lst century. His profession has provided him with opportunity to explore different cultures and he currently lives somewhere on Planet Earth.