Kids, It's Time We Have THE TALK

Introduction My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

From Thoughts in Solitude
by Thomas Merton

With the oncoming of my fiftieth birthday, I felt compelled to write to my children - Johnny, Shannon, Colleen, and Maggie. After a half-lifetime of pondering and wrestling with life and beyond-life matters and struggling to achieve moments of peace and bits of understanding, I decided to put into writing what I have learned. After decades of questioning who I am and why I am, and Who God is and who I am not, I placed work, bills, house maintenance, and cholesterol on the backburner to put what I have learned into a source that my kids can draw from.

My children know that I’m a bit different from most dads – that I try to attend daily Mass, find comfort in empty churches, fast on Wednesdays and Fridays, do Rosaries and Chaplets… They’ve heard me reference the New and Old Testaments as well as the Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church. They’ve heard me reference the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao te Ching, and other funky ancient writings they’ll probably never read. They know I’m a fan of Sheen (Fulton not Charlie), Merton, Hahn, and Corapi.

They know that I have a great love for The Church and its’ wonderful priests, nuns, and contemplatives. Fundamentally, they know that all-in-all I’m a joyful person, an optimist who has successfully found moments of peace despite financial, career, and marriage problems.

My children have seen life’s obstacles force me into brief outbursts of anger, recurring arguments with their mom, off-and-on bouts with depression, and some heavy drinking. They’ve also witnessed me overcoming these problems – typically with a Rosary in hand and after finding strength and comfort, time and time again from The Holy Mass. They didn’t know however that the multi-sources of that strength and comfort came from the Eucharist, the silence found in a church, The Crucified Christ standing on each altar, and the fourteen Stations of The Cross that encircle the congregating area. They didn’t know until this writing.

Beside my fast approaching birthday, part of my motivation for writing Kids, It’s Time We Have THE TALK was my viewing of The Last Lecture delivered by a dying 47-year-old college professor. It was a marvelous and beautiful talk on life lessons – pursuing dreams and aspirations and overcoming obstacles (real and self-imposed). The talk was perfect - with the exception of two statements. During the first minute, the professor announced that his lecture would focus on living and achieving dreams and not on dying or spirituality or religion or God or God-stuff or Heaven or hell. Then during the last minute of his lecture, he confessed that his life lessons were really not for his class at all but rather for his kids – future lessons the dad would not be able to deliver face-to-face. The dad’s talk was powerful and positive. His conclusion was emotional. But it was also incomplete.

The Last Lecture led me to consider the many talks that parents are obligated to have with their children - The Sex Talk, Drugs Talk, The College, Work, and Career Talks… It made me wonder why The God Talk is the most difficult and most easily ignored talk for parents. After all, doing the sex-thing and doing the drug-thing can ruin a kid’s life, but NOT doing The God-Thing can ruin a kid’s eternity.

The Last Lecture and its’ message about maximizing living, fortified my greatest fears - that my kids could grow indifferent to God & God-stuff and Heaven & hell - that my kids could place school and wealth and society and career and marriage and home and travel and fitness... in front of God and could make life-altering decisions without any consideration of God & God-stuff. I fear they’ll fall away from The Lord. I fear achieving Purgatory will be good enough for them. I fear they’ll assume Purgatory is a given.

So as their dad, I am obligated to have this talk with my kids.

Thus I wrote with the purpose of sharing critical Truths that are timeless and universal. I wrote to capture Mystical beliefs, notions, and practices that will lead anyone closer and closer to union with God – and closer and closer to obtaining peace and joy. I’ll use the writing to trigger talks. Hopefully our talking will get the kids to do a bit more self-talking. Hopefully that talking will prompt the kids to talk more and more with God. Hopefully those talks will lead my kids to never fear being with God alone.

As I told my children, there may be times when my ramblings, convictions, and visions will amuse them. At times, they may disagree with my logic and conclusions. There may even be times when I offend them. But I stress, over and over, that these Truths, notions, and practices are not mine. They’re not others. They’re God’s alone.