And It Was Full of Light!
Finding the courage to overcome homophobic bullying and hate
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Still leaning against the wall near the food court, I happen to glance at my reflection in the store window across the mall. I study myself, still not quite believing it's really me. After looking this way and that to make sure no one's watching, I stand tall, pump my chest out, and flex my right bicep, just like a jock showing off for his girlfriend. Six months ago, I would never have flexed my arm in public, let alone worn a sleeveless shirt, but now that my workouts have added more than 20 pounds of muscle just since last summer, I'm starting to like how I look. Maybe still too skinny, especially compared with Kyle and some of the other football jocks, but this is by far the best that little ol' me has ever looked. Ah, but what does it matter? I still need to get the hell out of this place. Too much pain, too much misery, never once a hot boy in my arms, and now all this shit with Kyle. Maybe I'll leave for Stanford right after graduation and get an apartment in Palo Alto. I could deejay or join a band or something, anything, to get away from Dunston High School and straight boy Kyle Faulkner and this stupid, football-worshipping cow town stuck out in the middle of nowhere. “Hey mister, move along or I'm calling mall security,” my friend Danny calls out in a bad cop voice made worse by his stupid grin. He gets the finger in return. I'm just slipping out to the mall, grinning back at Danny -- “Hey!” I screech when someone blindsides me so hard I'm smacked right onto the tile floor. Oh no, it's Kyle! In a flash his hands are gripping my shirt, lifting me almost off my feet to pin me against the wall. Danny shouts at me, but with Kyle so angry he's baring his teeth six inches from my face, I'm too scared to answer. “You stupid queer, a lot of this is your fault,” he says through clenched teeth. An instantaneous flash of blinding, white-hot anger is followed by the unique sound of Kyle's air being expelled when my knee slams into his crotch. Doubled over, collapsing to the floor, Dunston High School's football god groans in agony. “Oh, no,” I moan, frozen in astonishment at what I just did. It only takes a few seconds to realize he's going to kill me. Danny shouts again as I tear through the food court, crashing through the door into the brightness of the parking lot. Shit! Why did I do that? I'm dashing to my car when, to my horror, I realize I parked all the way at the other end of the mall. Gasping for air, I stop to bend over with my hands on my knees. Just as I'm thinking Kyle will be too hurt to chase me, the food court door blasts open with an awful bang. Against every instinct to run, I look back. Red in the face, chest heaving, eyes two pinpoints of rage, Kyle springs at me like a lion charging prey. I take off, running faster than I ever thought possible. But not fast enough. I should have know better than to think I could outrun Kyle. I'm not halfway through the lot when he's grabbing at my arm. Kyle swings me around, grips my shirt with both hands, and slams me against the side of a white van so violently my head bounces off with a hollow bang. Not a word is said. The force of the blow, more noise than anything, instinctively causes me to curl up and clench my eyes shut. Kyle's powerful grip, however, is holding me against the van, my shirt trapping me like a harness. His hands let go. Here it comes…
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
Bobby Fowler is the first and only out gay kid at Dunston High School. Unathletic and small for his age, Bobby was orphaned soon after moving from New England to Dunston, a ranching town in central Texas, just before freshman year. Deeply scarred from a near-fatal beating during sophomore year, Bobby finds solace in his drums, composing music, and his two closest friends. Only two types of students go to Dunston High School, according to his soul mate, Chloe: football players, and those who adore them. And Bobby, along with every girl in school and every woman in town, for that matter, adores one football player in particular. Kyle Faulkner, the star quarterback, has it all, and not just because his heroics brought home a state championship to his football-crazed town. With stunning good looks, a muscular physique, a dazzling Hollywood smile and a winning personality, it's no surprise that Kyle is a god in school. Kyle, along with everyone else, thinks of himself as the ultimate straight boy, the guy every girl wants to date. But Kyle has secret that he can't even admit to himself. He never asks himself why he sneaks peeks at the Gay Kid or why he dreams of wrapping his arms around him. But just a few weeks before graduation, Kyle finds out why during an unexpected and violent encounter with Bobby. It is an encounter which causes Kyle to admit the unthinkable. And unless Bobby can convince him there is a way out of the trap he thinks he's in, their encounter will lead to a terrifying climax that could cost both boys their lives.
About the Author
Robert W. Littlefield has written his first novel to be a beacon of hope for gay kids and gay men everywhere. Living in Massachusetts, the first to legalize marriage equality for gays and lesbians, he recognizes that it is easy to overlook the struggles, the pain, and the loneliness of gay kids elsewhere. Some of them really do pull the trigger. Although written to appeal to people of all ages, he hopes that his story will inspire just one gay kid to survive and to discover that God loves them and that their lives can be filled with true happiness. Littlefield spent several weeks in central Texas doing research for this story. He discovered the powerful role that high school football plays in their communities, and found the land they call Texas Hill Country to be a surprisingly wonderful and beautiful place. He is grateful for the friendliness, openness, and the hospitality of the many Texans he encountered. It is a special place. Now retired after a long career as a technology project manager, he lives in Provincetown, Massachusetts.