The Road Ahead

Chapter 1 -CYCLISTS

The profession of a bus driver does have its mysteries:

Mystery 1: why are cyclists allowed on the road without any training whatsoever? They are not compelled to pass any test or even know the Highway Code. They are not obliged to wear helmets or high visibility/reflective clothing; just shove them in the bus lane and let them get on with it. Madness!

For the record, I am a cyclist myself when I am not driving a bus, and apart from being environmentally friendly it is also a very healthy activity. However, if you do not ride correctly it can be far from healthy and a rather unpleasant experience. I am not going to make the same mistakes as some critics and give a sweeping observation about all cyclists. None the less, I will analyse the behaviour of certain categories of cyclists that I come across on London’s roads. This list is not exhaustive but it was exhaust-ing to comprise!  

R.I.B (Riders in Black)

Riders in black are usually the most dangerous cyclists on the road. You will often see them riding around the busier parts of London after dark. Black shoes, black socks, black trousers, black top and, yes, you guessed it, a black hat! Added to this the fact that they usually have no lights (or one little one on the back) means it is hardly surprising that bus drivers cannot see them when they are pulling out from stops.

I don’t think that stealth is what you should be looking for as a cyclist. Blending in to the background might protect certain types of tree lizard, but I suggest that a bright safety helmet (or any safety helmet), and a high visibility/reflective jacket with luminous trousers would offer more help to other road users on a dark and foggy winter’s night.

Unfortunately R.I.B can in some cases lead to R.I.P, so be seen and be safe! (see section 60 of the Highway Code for information about legal requirements of lights and reflectors on bikes when riding at night. Also the rules for cyclists clothing in section 59).

Lance Armstrong or Large Lunch Box Cyclists

The ‘Lance Armstrong group’ are the most skilled cyclists on the streets of London. They are usually fitted out in all the latest cycling paraphernalia. Their bicycles are well maintained, highly specified eco machines, not to mention very expensive. This group are safety conscious and although, like all the other cyclists, they probably have not taken any type of formal test, most have at least read the Highway Code.

In the case of “large lunch box cyclists” they like to wear the tightest pair of Lycra shorts they can squeeze their crotch packet into. When they pull up at traffic lights or any other place where the bike becomes stationary, they position their legs in such a manner that everyone can see their cod piece. This particular cyclist has a female equivalent known as BBB or ‘Big Bum Babes’, who also like to wear the tightest pair of Lycra shorts on the market. They enjoy displaying their shapely curvature as they flash past in the cycle lane. However the BBB have a distinct advantage over their male counterparts, this is because they do not need to have breaks fitted to the rear of their bikes. Instead, all they have to do is clench the cheeks of their ample arse’s over the back wheel and it slows down the bike quite sufficiently (only joking don’t try this at home).