The Perfect, Man Handbook

There is no such thing as a perfect man; but this fact should not dissuade efforts to define and emulate such person with the intent of improving some aspects of those destined to fall short. Take a moment, close your eyes, and briefly think about what a “perfect man” may think, act, and look like. What did you come up with? Although your list is surely diverse and unique to your perspective, I believe you will be hard-pressed to find fault with a man that is kind, confident, strong, ambitious (not to acquire or achieve more personally but for the benefit of others), and accommodating. So, for the sake of argument (and the fact that I am unable to see your list), let’s use these characteristics as a baseline; map them to what all men are comprised of, namely, their disposition, their relationships, and their presence; and see what happens.

I’m sure in your experience you became aware of men that have made significant adjustments in their lives, though, perhaps, in an inopportune or protracted manner. Take, for example, the following:

• Someone who quits smoking/begins eating right/starts an exercise regimen after experiencing a health setback;
• Someone who, in the wrenches of divorce, reacts by displaying newfound attention and love toward their previously neglected children;
• Someone who, confronted with their own mortality, decides to finally make “peace” with previously scorned family members;
• Someone who, facing a significantly damaged relationship, decides to initiate key conversations that should have occurred some time ago; and
• Someone who, now fully comfortable with their financial situation, decides to take on a charitable cause.

Although I am relatively young (39 as of this writing), trust me when I say that life is short, and certain decisions need to be made early before it’s too late. Why wait to forgive someone who wronged you? Why defer proper eating and exercising routines that will provide the physique you always wanted? Why delay professional and career decisions that will increase time with your family and truly improve the quality of your life? There are no justifiable answers to these and the multitude of similar questions that have potential to significantly impact your life and must be faced to address your ultimate constraint: time. Time is a limited resource that no one is immune from. What will you do with your time and how will you manage the time you have left?

From a micro perspective, I hope that you spend some of your time reading, considering, and meditating on the contents of this book. Although I do not profess to have all the answers (as no one should), I guarantee that the following considerations, even when approached individually and non-sequentially, will have a material impact on your life and those that you come in contact with.

With regard to approaching the following contents individually and non-sequentially, this book has been structured according to men’s disposition, men’s relationships (with everyone, significant other, friends, work, and money), and men’s presence—key components of men’s lives that are further expanded upon according to the aforementioned characteristics of kind, confident, strong, ambitious, and accommodating. So, if you need to work on your relationship with your significant other (who doesn’t) and desire to be more kind, you may direct your attention to that section exclusively. If you wish to be more kind in general, you may reference this characteristic under each component of men’s lives, or simply thumb through the headers on the upper right hand corner of each page to look for re-occurrences of this characteristic that begin in bold under each component. A key takeaway here is that this book need not be approached in its entirety or sequentially, so use it as your situation and needs dictate.

With regard to those you come in contact with, it is critically important that we include women in this process as well. Quite simply, it is just as important that women read this book as it is for men to. Although the focus of this book is specific to men, sufficient benefits will be afforded women as an increased understanding of what they should reasonably and idealistically expect from men will provide effective opportunities for selection and coaching. By either avoiding or coaching a sub-par spouse, companion, friend, or business associate, women will require and affect improvement in men; thereby, resulting in a better end result. However, if women settle for men that fail to meet their needs or treat them in a way that they do not prefer to be treated, they enable undesirable behaviors and inhibit such improvement.

We, both men and women, need more “perfect” men in our lives. The aforementioned characteristics of a “perfect man,” however, are not exclusive to men only. For example, if men are strong, it does not imply that women need to be weak. Men and women may both be strong, but men need to differentiate themselves by the degree and the way in which they convey their strength. By doing so, it provides the opportunity for both men and women to own these characteristics, while allowing for necessary differentiation, which serves the important role of attracting and complementing men and women in the first place. Men may also emulate these characteristics without changing their roles, responsibilities, or expectations (particularly those held by women). By simply increasing their awareness of these characteristics and letting them guide their actions, men will be able to impact how they are perceived and affect desired change in their lives.

Although I hope you will agree that the following information is presented in a logical, easily understandable, and readily referenced manner, I acknowledge that the endeavor of defining a “perfect man” is a bit of a challenge. There are surely considerations and characteristics I may have missed, and emerging items that may come to the forefront given constant change in men’s expectations and responsibilities. Although I compiled the following to be as complete as possible, please use the Notes pages to add other considerations you may discover. Also, remember that there is no such thing as perfection, but that should not keep us from trying.