Emotional Fitness

The noisy clash of voices sped from the reception area of our counseling center down the hallway and around the corner where I was completing paperwork before my next session with a new couple. If I could hear the noise from that distance and behind a closed door, I knew the argument was loud and intense.
The office manager tapped softly and peeked around the door, her eyes wide and questioning. “Your clients are here,” she whispered.
I turned quickly to look at her. “You mean that is coming from my clients?!” She nodded and backed out the door, closing it quietly behind her.
Whispering a brief prayer for peace for the couple and guidance for me, I went to meet my newest clients. Michelle sat in a chair to the left of the room, her face splotchy with tears and flushed with anger. Her foot bounced rapidly on the floor, as she chewed on her lower lip. Seth sat on the opposite side facing her, clenching and unclenching his jaw and fists. Neither one was looking at the other. Although their argument had ceased, I sensed this would be a challenging session. That sense proved to be accurate.

This type of emotional scene plays out daily in counseling centers around the world, but it also occurs in living rooms, bedrooms, back yards, schools, grocery stores and business offices. Intense emotions are experienced not only by couples but by parents and children, by grandparents and grandchildren, by aunts and uncles, by employers and their workers, and by individuals with private issues that others may not recognize.
We counselors help guide clients toward finding resolutions to their problems, but a major part of our work involves helping clients learn to manage their intense or out-of-control emotions. This was true with Michelle and Seth. Until they dealt with their intense emotions, they would not be able to see beyond those emotions to focus on their actual problems. At the moment, their out-of-control emotions were their problem.
As we worked together through the next few sessions, I learned that Michelle and Seth were diligent about their physical health. They prepared nutritious meals at home, they exercised rigorously on a regular basis, and they were consistent about scheduling check-ups with their doctors and taking care of illnesses as they occurred. Being physically fit was important to them.
Their level of emotional fitness, however, was questionable. They, like many others, were neglecting an important aspect of their overall health. Both acknowledged that they had many issues and had difficulty talking about them. Michelle noted that they seemed hesitant to express their “real” feelings to each other.
While they had difficulty expressing issues of the heart, Seth indicated that both of them had no problem expressing intense emotions. Those emotions, he said, often had them on an “emotional roller coaster” for days and kept them apart. Seth and Michelle are no different from many clients that I regularly see who need a checkup for their emotional health.
Some of these clients experience intense emotions but may express them in inappropriate ways. Other clients appear lost in life, drifting along without purpose. Still others seem to be in an emotional low because they are adamantly pursuing goals that are not appropriate or beneficial for them in some way. Many of their behaviors are keeping them from being emotionally healthy most of the time.

The Relationship of Behaviors and Health
Most of us understand the link between behaviors and physical health. To be physically healthy, a person must eat food that is nourishing and suitable, maintain a reasonable weight, and be physically active, with a consistent routine of rest and sleep. A person who incorporates those behaviors into his life is generally healthy, barring any debilitating illness.
When everyday illnesses come, such a person seems able to bounce back to a normal state of health more quickly. Even when serious illnesses come, the one who is diligent about physical fitness can often recover more readily. That person’s level of energy and stamina seems to remain higher than that of one who is not physically fit.
We can readily see that physical fitness requires certain behaviors on our part: eating well, exercising regularly, keeping our weight at a reasonable level and getting sufficient rest. And (this is the important part for long term health) we must be consistent in doing so. We must perform those actions regularly to get the most health benefits from them.
Emotional health is much like physical health. The premise of this book is that emotional fitness also requires certain behaviors practiced on a consistent basis. If those behaviors are practiced regularly, a person can more easily “bounce back” from emotional upsets, even serious ones. He can enjoy more emotional energy and stamina, and he can maintain healthier relationships.
Emotional health may even help to maintain physical health. In a story in a popular Sunday magazine, Dr. Henry S. Lodge noted that emotional health can impact physical health, particularly as it relates to aging.1 Dr. Lodge, a faculty member at Columbia Medical School, has discovered an interesting link between emotions and the aging of the body. Part of Dr. Lodge’s research has focused on factors that influence the growth and the decay of human cells. That research has resulted in two interesting findings.

Two Master Signals
According to Dr. Lodge, our cells have two master signals that tell them to grow. One of those signals is physical movement or exercise. Since our bodies were meant to move, he indicates, physical activity signals our cells to grow and regenerate. If we don’t move, then our cells don’t grow. That means our bodies begin to break down. As that happens, we experience aches, pains, and illnesses.
By becoming sedentary, our bodies begin to age and, in Dr. Lodge’s term, “decay.” In fact, he indicates that keeping active helps us age as we were meant to, “slowly and remarkably well.”
This information is hardly surprising to anyone who has lived in America since the 1960s, when aerobic activities began to be popular. Current books, newspapers and magazine articles regularly tout the value of exercise. There are numerous TV shows, featuring the latest health gurus, devoted to leading us through sets of exercises to help us build stronger bodies. Health club memberships are booming, and all businesses and hotels of any size have fitness rooms to help their employees and guests get moving.