Chasing Normal
by
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How could my brain do this to me?
Brad was an asshole. He was a walking double standard that carelessly cast me aside. There was no consideration for the sacrifices I’d made. It was the same old crap: Brad gets what Brad wants when he wants it. Everyone else, go fuck yourselves.
But I missed him.
His scent, his laugh, his smart assed comments: they haunted me relentlessly. Memories blazed bright and detailed at inopportune times. In class, I’d tear up. Driving down the road, I’d pull over, blinded by sadness and confusion.
Meanwhile, Brad was dating, screwing around, partying like someone fresh off parole.
Three months after his painful letter, though I didn’t feel particularly festive, I rode with Jessica and Annie to a kegger across town. They said it would help me get my mind off of him.
It may have, had he not been parked in the middle of the crowd, holding court and double-fisting beers.
“I can’t go in there,” I spat. Then my jaw clamped shut, teeth grinding together. From the front door I saw him carousing in the kitchen. My black platform boots carried me backward, toward the porch.
“Yes, you can,” Jessica countered, yanking my arm. “Let’s just go and have a good time. It will be fine. Ignore him. Flirt with someone else.”
“Yeah, it’s not like you’re never going to run into him again, so you should just rip off the Band-Aid now,” shrugged Annie.
Solidarity. Thanks, ladies.
For the first hour, I successfully blended in. By hour two, he was swaying drunkenly in front of me.
“Whattaya doing here?” he grinned, clearly struggling to focus on only one of me.
“Honestly, I do not know. I think I’m about to leave.”
My heart hammered. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to feel his beautiful shoulders pull me close. I wanted to explain everything.
Beg me to stay, I thought.
“Don’t go! We haven’t talked in so long and I miss our friendship,” he slurred. “How’s Alan?” Brad found this question incredibly humorous. I did not.
“God! Always with the friendship shit. Also, you know there was never anything going on with Alan and me!” Emotions swirled. My vocal chords tightened in protest, producing a stranger’s high-pitched voice.
I cracked.
“How could you think I would cheat on you? I loved you ... I still love you!”
Why did I say that? Dammit! My lip quivered violently. I was in danger of collapsing, having a public breakdown in the middle of this dingy kitchen.
“I have some things to say to you.” With that statement, he seemed to sober up.
Taking my limp arm, he pulled me into a bathroom. My platform-boot-clad feet and legs scrapingly obeyed.
The peeling wallpaper was blue with pink flowers. Ruffled curtains framed a small window. A wooden towel rack hung lopsided, its screw pulling a tear in the crumbling drywall.
After months of despair and crying and pretending with Rebound Guy, I was starving for Brad. Forgiveness wasn’t even a question as our faces crashed together in a passionate, eager, reunion kiss. It was so ardently aggressive and fast, I wondered how we didn’t end up with chipped teeth. We couldn’t hold each other tight enough.
Brad cried.
“I’ve missed you so much. Will you come back to my house tonight, please?”
By “my house” he meant the rundown bachelor pad/pseudo crack house he now shared with two buddies.
I went. My friends stared in disgust and disbelief as I followed Brad out the door.
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About the Book
When a girl falls in love with the man she believes can give her the traditional life she desires, she sacrifices everything to make her dreams come true.
Brad has it all. He is handsome, popular, and charismatic. Who could resist his many charms? In desperate pursuit of the normal life she believes Brad can give to her, she tries her best to be everything he wants— a devoted wife, lover, and mother—but it is never enough. For a decade, she devotes every moment of every day to his happiness. Slowly, she realizes that in addition to the loss of her youth, she has also sacrificed much more to maintain the illusion of a perfect marriage.
After drastically altering her life just to be near him, she starts to see through his gossamer-thin promises. But try as she might to hold her head up as evidence of Brad’s moral defects mounts, her sense of self weakens. Unaware of how deeply she is being damaged and how blatantly she has been deceived, she must make a choice. Will she abandon her fantasy of the traditional nuclear family so she can reclaim her long-forgotten self-worth? Or will she continue to languish at the hands of a toxic man?
She is a simple girl who just wanted something better. And despite it all, her journey is one filled with surprisingly sharp humor, raw honesty— and optimism.
About the Author
Chrystal Caudill has been writing professionally for more than a decade. Her areas of expertise and interest include small-business marketing, health care, the natural product industry, and nonprofits. Chasing Normal is her first novel. She currently lives in Arizona.