From A Woman's Point of View

Chapter 1 - I Know What I Want Life can dish out some very bitter pills that we must swallow in order to grow and move forward. We may never know or understand all the things we encounter in life, but we must know that it all works together for our good - even though it may not look like it at the time. You see, Destiny has been hurt by so many people. She's been abandoned, misunderstood and abused. Destiny grew up in Southern Mississippi. She was raised by her aunt after her parents were killed in a car accident when she was 10 years old. Needless to say, she's had to deal with some of the more important times of her life without having a mother or father. Her parents weren't there for her first date, her prom, or her high school graduation. She never had those much needed one-on-one conversations with her mom about boys and relationships; or those conversations that would teach her about life in general. Her mom never had the opportunity to teach Destiny how to make the family's secret spaghetti sauce or how to make her famous choco choco brownies. Although she vaguely remembered some of the times she shared with her parents, especially her mom, this was a time in her life that she needed them more than ever. Destiny thought back, remembering when she was about 7 years old. Her parents took her to this huge shopping mall. She saw what she considered to be the most beautiful painting she had ever seen. It wasn't so much the beauty of the painting, as it was the picture that was painted. It was a picture of a family; a mother, a father, and a beautiful baby. They were standing in front of a huge house closed in by a stunning white fence. From that moment, Destiny realized what she wanted. She wanted a family like that! She would one day grow up and have her very own. Because her parents died when she was such a young age, Destiny never really felt secure. She felt abandoned, lonely, and unsure of her future. Although brought up in church, the direction for her life was so unclear. Her aunt did a great job raising her, but there's nothing like being raised by your parents. Not long after moving in with her aunt, Destiny was sexually abused while on her way to the corner store. She joyfully walked and sang as if she didn't have a care in the world. A man she had seen in the neighborhood many times was walking towards her. Still singing and tossing her coin bag from one hand to the other, Destiny began to feel a little scared and uneasy. The man was getting closer to her, but was not trying to move so she could pass. He grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth. She was so scared; too scared to scream, too scared to really breathe. He pushed her into an abandoned shed a few feet from the sidewalk. He began to tell her he's been watching her and he really liked her. He touched her in places she was taught to be private. He began kissing her cheeks and rubbing all over her little body. He told her to never tell anyone or he would do it again and again. Of course, Destiny was terrified. She continued on to the store wiping her eyes and making sure her clothes were properly fixed. The man walked away saying, “remember, don't tell, or I'll get you again.” She returned home and never told a soul what had happened. This was a lot for a 10 year old to handle; first losing her parents in a fatal car accident, then being molested. She was really scared, hurt, and confused by all of this, but never shared it with anyone. Still to this day, it's been her little secret. It was something that she didn't think of anymore, as if it never happened. Blocking out the memory of her parents death and the sexual violation, somehow made it go away, or at least seem like a bad dream. All throughout school, Destiny was not very popular. She was extremely quiet and never wanted to draw attention to herself. She didn't have a lot of friends and was usually by herself. She would always read and write mostly love stories, stories of how she envisioned her life to be. Destiny penned these words as she sat in her room, teary eyed and lonely; longing for love: Will I Ever Know What Passion, What joy that flows, Is it real, Can it be real Will I ever know It makes me want to live again, Be free - Experience the rain It makes me want to laugh and grow - Be me - be free, but will I ever know Can it be real, is it real, what joy that flows, What passion, but will I ever know She wanted to love and be loved. Simple, she thought, my prince will find me, and we will live happily ever after. In the stories she wrote, she would be the beautiful princess in distress and a handsome knight on his strong, white horse would come galloping along to rescue her. These were just stories; just her silly little thoughts on paper. These thoughts that floated around in her head daily had gripped her little heart with fear. Thoughts that she created, but knew would never be a reality.