Romantic Suicide

5. STOP TRYING SO HARD.—The less you appear to be trying, the more attractive you will appear to be. I’m sure you’ve heard this from one of your friends already. And I’m sure you nod affirmatively, “yes, yes, I know.” But the problem is—we don’t know. We think we know what our friends are talking about, but really we don’t, ‘cause if we did, we’d keep the girls we fall for in our lives (rather than scaring them off). This is what it means: stop coming across as so desperate. That is really what they mean when they tell you not to try so hard. In other words, the girls you fall for can sense it when you really want them. Yes, it feeds their ego, but it does not make them attracted to you. On the contrary, it actually pushes them away because the truth is—no one appreciates what comes too easily. She (like everyone else) likes a challenge. She wants to feel that she is with a guy who is nearly unattainable. Not completely unattainable, but nearly so. As soon as a girl senses that she can walk all over you and that you would drop everything to be with her… she loses interest. Immediately. The chase is over. The game is over. You become completely boring to her. Or worse, she begins to manipulate you (perhaps unconsciously) because she can. And this is exactly what happens when you try too hard; when you come across as desperate; when you make it way too obvious that you are head over heels for her. Too often, I have made the grave mistake of calling too much, sending too many flowers, being too available, responding to her texts way too quickly, buying her unnecessary gifts, telling her that I’m falling for her after the first or second date, and the list goes on. Only now do I realize that my ‘nice guy’ shows of affection were actually huge turn offs. They showed my hand way too quickly, and took away all the aura and mystique that surrounded me. Whereas I was once a mysteriously intriguing guy, I had quickly become a (forgive the term) pussy-whipped pushover with the words ‘LAME’ virtually emblazoned on my forehead. It’s a strange phenomenon—we all want what we cannot have. Contrary to what your friend keeps telling you, it’s not that girls don’t like nice guys (they do!)—it’s that girls (like any normal person) do not really appreciate what comes too easily; what comes without a challenge. And nice guys just happen to come without much of a challenge. Why? Because they—ta da—try too hard. Honestly, if this last girl said to me while we were dating, “I want you to be my boyfriend,” I would have said “YES!” without a moment’s hesitation. And maybe that’s part of the problem. You shouldn’t be so into the girl in those first couple of months that you would make such a snap decision. Particularly because you don’t even know the girl! Even to this day, I don’t really know much about her! And yet… I was trying so hard to woo her. And why? I barely knew her! Because she was pretty? Really? That’s it? Because I liked her smile? Big deal! So she has a nice smile and a nice body. So do a lot of girls. Something I have learned is that beautiful women are easy to find. A bit harder are beautiful women who are intelligent too. Harder yet are beautiful women who are both charming and intelligent. Still harder are women who are beautiful, intelligent, charming, and funny. Even more difficult to find are beautiful women who are intelligent, charming, funny, and not bitchy. Most difficult of all? Beautiful women who are intelligent, charming, funny, not bitchy, and… into you! My point is: stop trying so hard. I promise you that you are overlooking something about her, and you are a fool to rush in before you really get to know who this girl really is. Granted, I do believe that there can be such a thing as ‘love at first sight’, but there’s also another phrase, ‘trust, but verify’. In other words, even if it was love at first sight, I still should have taken it slower, and not have tried so hard in the beginning—before I even got a chance to know who she really was. While you might think it’s love at first sight (and it very well may be), you’d be a fool to just assume that it really is, without first investigating the situation thoroughly. So bottom line, don’t try so hard—try to keep things in perspective and try to remember that you really don’t know much about her in the first few months. The cooler you play your cards, the more likely she’ll be attracted to you (or at the very least, the less likely she will end up running away). So, stop trying so hard… …or risk romantic suicide.