Heritage of Hope

“I AM FORGIVEN!” – Joe Hudy 

The clock on the institutional grey wall of Joe Hudy’s room in the psychiatric 
ward read 1:00 am. The sterile sheets pulled tight beneath him, Joe lay on top of the hospital bed, waiting for medication to take effect. The routine was familiar to him. This was the third time in fifteen years Joe had been admitted to the hospital with symptoms of severe depression. In many of life’s struggles, Joe’s belief in God comforted and sustained him. However, once again, medication seemed the only way to find relief from feelings of loneliness and despair. 
In recent years life seemed especially burdensome to him. The old Polish neighborhood where he lived was changing. His home had been burglarized and his cars stolen. The violence around them made his family fear for their safety. 
When his mother died, Joe and his wife decided to move the family. Forced by his job as a police officer to maintain residency in Detroit, Joe rented a cramped attic apartment, only able to visit his wife on weekends. He felt like Anne Frank as he looked out of the tiny window to a dreary alley—isolated, missing his family, grieving his mother’s death, and witnessing the disintegration of his cherished community. These scenes moved through his mind in the hospital. Suddenly an accusing thought pierced his consciousness, making it difficult for him to breathe. 
“You committed one of the seven deadly sins, the sin of anger—because of this sin, you will never see God.” The condemning thought pierced his heart. 
Joe knew the words were from Satan. He reminded himself that, as a practicing Catholic, if he did his best for God, he believed he would go to heaven. However, instinctively he realized he was not ready to meet the Lord. In fact, Joe had to admit the accusation was true: He was angry. 
He grew up furious at the severity of his father’s discipline. Joe recognized that his father loved the family because of the many kind acts he performed. Nevertheless, he was frustrated. He could never tell his father that some of the things he did were wrong, things complicated by a drinking problem. Joe loved his father but he was still angry. 
And, Joe was angry at God. Raised by devout parents, who went to daily mass, and nurtured in his faith by a Catholic education, he remembered being impressed by the scriptural injunction, “Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect,” and the warning of a well-meaning nun, “Your soul must be in a perfect state of grace in order to receive communion.” Joe knew he was not perfect but he certainly wanted to please God. He and his wife and four children were active in their neighborhood parish. His wife had even started a sports program. As Joe fought off the oppression, he cried out to God in desperation, “I am doing all this stuff for you! Why are you allowing this to happen again?” 
Now confronted with the truth of the accusation, “You have committed the sin of anger” and the resulting judgement, “and because of this sin you will never see God,” Joe felt himself slipping into a hopeless pit of darkness. The hospital room became greyer and greyer. 
“Is this what it is like to die?’ he asked himself.” 
He was trying to hold onto his essence—his soul—by his fingernails. He imagined if he blinked he would be gone from this life. That is when he heard an audible voice. 
“Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins. Forgive yourself!” 
“That’s right!” Joe shouted into the solitude of his room. Suddenly, the love, the peace, and the joy of the Lord flooded his soul. He knew he was not going to die. God not only loved him, but He had a plan for his life—although at that moment Joe had no idea what that might be. 
He looked again at the clock and it was 5:00 am. What had seemed like twenty minutes had actually been four hours. 
Joe remained in the hospital for another three weeks. Believing that God’s forgiveness and love had instantaneously freed him from guilt and miraculously cured him, he persuaded the psychiatrist to gradually wean him from all medication. 
Now God began to give Joe insights into how to live his new life. The first lesson came from his mother-in-law. “Joey, you have to let go and let God.” That phrase stays with him even today. 
Reading the Bible and listening to Christian radio and television gave him valuable instruction. One day while surfing the channels, he heard a television evangelist promise four keys to cure depression. That captured Joe’s attention! The speaker counseled four steps of faith. 
1. Forgive yourself. This was the cornerstone of Joe’s healing experience. “People don’t think they are worthy of God’s love,” Joe elaborated, “If you read scripture, Jesus said, ‘I come not to call the righteous but sinners.’ (Matt. 9:13 NIV) If you don’t forgive yourself, what you inadvertently do is make yourself greater than God. When you forgive yourself, God’s grace comes to you and you see life in a different way.” 
2. Acknowledge God’s plan. Joe pointed out that there are approximately four and a half billion people on the earth and God has a unique plan for each one of them; each individual is special and unique in God’s eyes. After twenty-five years as a police officer, observing people at their worst, Joe admitted it has been difficult to see goodness in people. However, asking the aid of the Holy Spirit, he is awed to be able to see others from Christ’s point of view. 
3. Allow God the prerogative to direct your life. Joe explained that with free will, God allows us to make decisions. When we choose to allow God to direct our lives, many blessings follow. 
4. Use the many gifts, blessings, and talents God has poured into your life to help and bless others, and all for God’s glory. Joe has found great satisfaction in taking leadership in groups which allow him to tell his story, express his renewed faith in God, and pass on what he has learned as a follower of Jesus Christ. 
The final foundation stone of Joe’s newfound confidence was in Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:25 and again in Luke 12:21, where Jesus confirms what nature teaches us. God is able and willing to take care of our needs. Joe described these two scriptures as cement that held everything together. With wonder he recounted, “I don’t worry about anything. When I start to worry, I just say to myself, ‘Let God take care of it. ’” 
With insight into his struggles Joe recorded in his journal: 
“Through the pain you are suffering Christ is purifying you to get rid of your old self and preparing you to put on a new you. It is in your deepest pain, when you feel that you can’t go on anymore, that you turn inward to God. Let go of your carnal self and surrender your will to Him. And like the potter molds the clay, so too God is going to mold your life into what he wants your life to be. Don’t give up. He will be there for you.”