Passing Through

I think I might be one of a handful of people who came of age in the 60s who did not smoke marijuana. I rectified this recently when I was in Colorado where the grass is not only greener, but also legal. For me, enjoying marijuana baked into a brownie would be preferable to inhaling from a joint. On the left side of the ledger, I am pleased that alcohol no longer plays a major role in my life; that being of a certain age, I can converse with males or females without anyone thinking I am hitting on them. As one person older than I once told me, “When you reach our age you no longer have to avoid temptation because temptation will avoid you.” I shall always have items remaining on my bucket list. I am at an age where I add at least one new challenge after completing one on my list. In this way, I shall always be less than half way through my bucket list. I do wish I spent more time with my children when they were children. I felt a pang of regret when at about age seven Peter called me at the office asking for a business meeting. I asked why he wanted a business meeting. He replied saying, whenever he wanted to talk with me, I was in a business meeting. I did better for a while but fell back on bad life work balance habits. I feel my parents, children, and ex wife could easily justify pointing a finger at me for neglecting them so often. I was trying to secure my place in the world, so that I might provide for their wellbeing. I should have asked what they needed from me. One gets too few do overs in life. I remain a hopeless multitaskaholic. I truly believe I was doing better. Then, I endured what I shall always refer to as my Great Sickness in 2010. My major takeaways from that were the knowledge that everything can be taken from us at an instant and a need to be a force of nature, working for the common weal, so long as I remain among the living. Many people tell me that I wear people out. That is likely true. Another regret; however, I do feel that I am more demanding of myself than others have been of me. I wish I listened more and could listen better today, that I asked more questions; using the knowledge gained to greater effect. My final regret is not having spent more time with my parents. I am blessed that my children have spent time with me and that I am part of their adult lives. In past times, before learning by experience that being a family member has little to do with genetics, I hoped to live until I was fifty or so, mainly so I could find my birth mother and tell her what I thought of her and how she abandoned me. This no longer matters since I realize that I am a Boysen and always will be. Vicky and I are co-founders of a new generation of: caring, loving, intelligent, and gifted Boysens. I would like to live about thirty years longer than those fifty years. I have much to live for; I think I still have much to contribute to the lives of family and friends. I shall enjoy growing older with Patricia, seeing all my grandchildren finish college and, should they choose to do so, begin families. I am hopeful that a child or grandchild will, having read this, write his or her update of these Boysen chronicles. Should that happen; our family shall remain a living unit, achieving a kind of permanence in a very changing world.