Abner's Dilemma

Frau Mummaw was in the kitchen when the man showed up. He knocked on the door and said, “I'm Abraham Engles, and I need me a woman.” Slightly irritated, Frau Mummaw held the door and said, “Come in quick and don't let in so much cold. This weather makes awful. What did you say you need?” Stepping into the kitchen, he repeated himself. “I need a woman who will help me raise up my children. My wife, she gave me one set of triplets, and three sets of twins. She was having some more when she up and died on me. How did she expect me to raise `em by myself after she gave me so many?” he asked with an air of disbelief and frustration. I'm sure she didn't die on purpose, thought Abner, shaking his head in wonder. But then again, maybe she did. He almost laughed at the thought but kept himself from it. He knew that would never do. With surprise and disbelief she asked, “How did you hear about her, the Widow Schneider?” “Ach well, everybody knows about the widow by now,” replied Herr Engles. “I thought I'd come and get my dibs in.” “She lives in the third cabin if you want to go introduce yourself to her and her family.” Spotting Abner, Frau Mummaw added, “Abner, would you take him down and introduce him?” I'm not the one who should be introducing anyone to the widow, thought Abner. She'll automatically reject anyone I might bring. But that's all right. This one is a lot younger than her. Besides, I can't imagine her accepting a man with nine little children. Just then Abner caught a whiff of hard liquor on the man's breath. It wonders me if this man had to have something to get his courage up, he thought with a grin. Herr Engles and Abner went out into the cold, trudged through the snow, and knocked on the Altland-Schneider cabin door. It was answered by Trudy. “Good evening, Frau Trudy,” Abner said. “There's a man here who wants to talk to your mother. His name is Abraham Engles. Do you want to let him in?” “Jake, come here,” called Trudy. “I think it best that you talk to him.” When Jake got to the door, he said, “What can we do for you, sir?” “I heard there was a widow here, and I came to ask her to marry me.” “Pardon me?” said Jake. “How's that again?” “I said…” “I heard you,” cut in Jake. “But you haven't even met Widow Schneider, and we don't know anything about you. How do you have the nerve to ask a total stranger to marry you?” “The thing is, I need me a wife. I got the idea that it would be a nice surprise for my children to bring them a new mother for Christmas.” “Come on in and meet Widow Schneider. I'm her son-in-law.” Abner went in, too, and tried to be inconspicuous. Widow Schneider was sitting on a bench smoking her pipe. She looked the man over from head to foot. She stood and curtsied. “How many children do you have?” she asked. “Nine.” “And how old are they?” “Let me see. The first set of twins is eight. The triplets are by near six. The next twins are four and the youngest are two.” Abner watched the widow. Her eyes popped wide with surprise, and her mouth fell open. She sat down, took a breath, shook her head, and said, “Ach no, no, no, no. Thanks anyway, but no.” Abraham Engles bowed and said, “Thank you and good night.” Then he quickly went out the door. Abner stayed in the cabin to see what more would be said. Widow Schneider put her hand to her head and said, “That man has nine children that are all just little. He doesn't need a wife; he needs a nursemaid. Maybe I should have taken him up on it.” She rolled her eyes and added, “But wasn't he handsome?” She had not noticed Abner until then. She glared at him and said, “You can leave now, you nosy wunnerschnitzich*.” Abner ran out of the warm cabin and caught up with Herr Engles. “She would not have been kind to your children,” he said. Abraham Engles began to laugh. “Those jokers,” he said. “Those friends of mine! They got me good. They said the widow was nice and young and so anxious to get married that she would grab a man like me so quick he wouldn't know what happened. I'll get them back sometime. That woman was old enough to be my grandmother.” With that he took off at a trot and disappeared into the darkness.