From the 2004 Moonpie Race-He says, “Now that it's thinned out, you ready to pick it up a little?” WHAT? We are three quarters of a mile into a 10 mile race and I am spent. He wants to speed things up? He is not going to beat me. He's going to smoke me! With my blessing he takes off. I get to the first mile marker at 8:14. He's about 20 seconds ahead of me. I watch for the next quarter mile or so as he gets smaller and smaller. I think back to my 8th grade year. You see, back then I was so competitive. This not being competitive is killing me. But I'm getting off track. I was a sprinter in school. My brother was the distance runner. I was asked by my coach in one tri-meet to run the mile. I argued because I knew I could win the 100 and 220 yard dash. But he wanted me to run the mile since there were only 2 entrants in the race, Bob Williams, our star distance runner and one from another team. His instructions were to pace myself, just finish and pick up the third place points. I start off like gang busters and blow Bob and the other contestant out of the water in that first lap. Bob kept yelling to slow down. But I didn't listen. So I am about 150 yards ahead of them after 1 lap. Before I run another 150 yards, I was in 3rd place out of 3. Bob finished in first place somewhere around 6 minutes. I finished 3rd somewhere around 8 and a half minutes. In other words, HE LAPPED ME! Some lessons are never learned. That little story is free of charge. Now back to this race.
From the 2006 Indy Mini Marathon-It was during this stretch that I saw the second unique sight. Remember that dude I was making fun of at the beginning of the story? Well I come upon him walking - and smoking a cigarette. Now there are several things wrong with this picture, with the most obvious being, how in the world did he get in front of me to begin with? I said, “Hey sport, what are you doing? Where's your girl?” He said, “She's gone on. I had to have a cigarette and she said she would meet me at the finish line.” It is at this point that my next song idea comes to mind. I Thought She Was Smokin', Til The Girl Got Me Runnin'. I say, “Those things are gonna kill you.” He says, “No, running will.” For a moment I agreed.
From the 2007 Country Music Half Marathon-I am deep in this thought when I hear, “hey mister, sir, mister eight-nine thirty-two.” I say, “Hey, that's my number”. I look over and beside me is this homeless guy - running - up the hill - backwards so he can face me. Now I have been beaten by 75 year old women, 80 year old men, 10 year old kids, women pushing strollers, guys running with dogs, midgets, just about everything you can imagine. But I have never been beaten by a homeless guy - running backwards. I know I am not the fastest guy on the course, but despite my 19 minute mile a little earlier, you can't make me believe that I am the slowest runner left, so how is this happening? He asks if I have a cigarette. Now folks, I don't know what this clown is thinking. But I know what I am thinking and even though this is an R-rated version of my race, I won't write it. He must have seen the expression on my face and quickly asks if I had any money. Now I am hurting and tired and not living a perfect life right now. So I don't have much tolerance for this. Before I thought, I yelled back “No, but I have a suppository! You want that?” Now that's not something you hear everyday - a runner yelling he's got a suppository.
From the 2009 Country Music Half Marathon Victory Lap Thought: Life is like a marathon
Running the race of life is just like running a marathon. During each race you have to keep focused on the finish line. Otherwise you may veer off the course or completely quit. Each runner has a different goal. Some may be running to raise money. Some may be running because a friend invited them. Some may be running to honor a loved one. Some may be running to win or better their PR (personal record) time. Yet with all these different goals, all runners have the same basic goal-to cross the Finish Line. Hopefully we can follow God's path and do His will while running these races.
From the 2010 Music City Triathlon-I am getting close to the buoy and figure I will just touch it. That way, I will stay out of the intermediate swimmers' way and I can still say I did the course. I get BACK to the buoy and am raising my right arm to touch it. SWEET BEULAH LAND! BA-BAM! I get hit again. This time it was my feet and I do a somersault under water. I take another big gulp of that Cumberland River. (Still no lemon). I guarantee you I am not thinking "great taste, less filling".
From the 2013 Country Music Half Marathon-. I have finished this race and got my medal. I know I am not politically correct because I don't believe that everyone should get a “winner's” medal. After all, when a wrestling match is over, I only raise one contestant's hand. But today, today everyone who crosses that finish line is a winner and deserves to call their finisher's medal a “winner's” medal. There were nearly 32,000 who registered for the Marathon and Half Marathon combined. There were… a total of 20485 who finished [both].