"MAMA SOU"

“It hurt so much to remember what things were like before . . . orrather, how she imagined things were before. She had to keep telling herself that it had all been her delusion, but seeing Markoand her son together almost made her feel like they were a family not long ago. It was around September when Marko mentioned he would like to take Gabriel to Boston Garden to see the circus. He wistfully told her how he had gone with his own father when he was younger, about all the good things he remembered from those times, and how he wanted Gabriel to have that experience as well. Every time he brought it up it made Maria’s heart ache. All it made her want was a normal family life, one where her son could make all kinds of nice memories, not just ones where papa was angry or mama was crying. She knew it was not going to happen, but deep down she wanted to believe it could. Each time they had the conversation Marko would finish it with a longing sigh. It seemed like he was just trying to make memories with Gabriel, something they would have to remember so that he was not missing completely from his son’s life. It touched Maria that he was being so thoughtful of his son, and she wanted to agree to let them go. But an unexpected twist was brought up the next time they talked about it. “You want to take him without a chaperone?” Maria repeated incredulously. “Yes,” Marko said. “I don’t want some other person there, watching my every move and making my son think I can’t be trusted.” “No, Marko,” Maria said, adamantly. “These visits have been good up till now, you need to stick to it.” “No, please!” he pleaded, practically going to his knees. “I need this, Maria, I really need this! It would . . . I would be so grateful, just so happy to not have a chaperone this one time. Just this once, never again! Think of how much Gabriel would like spending an afternoon with his father, no one else around to make it awkward for us!” Maria just wanted Gabriel to be happy. She almost wanted to say she wanted to go with them. But she stopped herself at that, it would be the worst lie she could make her son believe. Marko was being so agreeable now, though. It was a breath of fresh air compared to the usual aggressive, egocentric man that forced her away from him. She actually wanted to trust him, just this one time. Would this one time be so bad? “Alright, Marko,” she said. “Just this once! You need to be back as soon as it’s over!” “Thank you, Maria,” he said, a look of joy on his face. “This will be the best for Gabriel, I promise.” From that day on, Marko brought up the trip whenever he came to see Gabriel. His enthusiasm was quite contagious to Gabriel, who became genuinely excited about this trip he was about to take. Every day he had questions about what was at the circus, and it seemed every answer was more amazing than he had anticipated. The day of the circus, Gabriel was hopping up and down with excitement. Maria and her relatives all made a big deal about the adventure this day had in store for him. To see him so genuinely happy was such a thrill that it was hard not to keep telling him stories. They filled his head with thoughts of lions, clowns, trapeze artists, not to mention the huge elephants he would see. All the attention further fueled his adventurous spirit, and when it was time for him to go, he was giddy with curiosity. Maria hugged him goodbye and gave him a kiss, only telling him to have fun before Marko arrived and picked him up. Maria watched as the car drove off, hoping they did indeed have a good day. After this, she felt she could give the three of them another chance. Maybe things could be different. Marko seemed to appreciate his son after having him taken away for so long, perhaps he understood what he was missing. There was a smile on Maria’s face that she could not explain to her family as she went back into the house. Hope had slipped in once more, even if it was only a little. Later, however, worry started to creep in, pushing that hope down into a dark, cold corner. Marko had said he would be back with Gabriel around seven o’clock, but that clearly was not the case because it was eight now and she had not received word from him. She thought perhaps he had simply not estimated correctly, but something nagging deep inside told her that was not true. Had something happened? Did the car break down? Was there an accident? Her Aunt Elena and Uncle Samuel were visiting her parents that evening. Maria noticed their conversation had become sparse and quiet, almost to a whisper, the more Maria looked out the window. Her aunt kept telling her to relax, suggesting that they had stopped off for an ice cream after the circus. Maria did not respond to her, and no more comments from anyone were heard. Maria paced back and forth by the phone, worried sick and just waiting to hear something. A call finally came around nine o’clock, but it was a voice she did not recognize. “There is a letter in the mailbox outside,” the voice said. “It will explain everything.” After that was said, the phone was hung up and all Maria heard was the dial tone and her heart pounding loudly. She rushed outside as millions of panicked scenarios ran through her head. She reached the mailbox and sure enough, a single unmarked envelope was inside.”