Diary of a Father

ONE
Timing is everything in life; the right place-right time isn’t just an expression, it’s real. If I wouldn’t have dated Tanya, I probably would have ended up with someone else besides Scarlett. Tanya taught me how to recognize the signs in my life; and that everything happens for a reason. We weren’t made for each other. She was meant to be with someone else; as was I.
Life doesn’t always work out the way that you plan; but I strongly agree that having a plan in your life, is essential. The person that you are meant to marry, you don’t; praying for something to work that doesn’t-that’s the beauty of living…the people and things that mean the most to us, aren’t in God’s plan for us. God gives us more than we could ever provide for ourselves. Tanya and I dated for a few years, and I felt very confident in our relationship and what we shared together.
Entertaining the idea of her being my wife, I thought about proposing to her on numerous occasions; but before I could make a move, something in my life told me that I shouldn’t…a few weeks after my instincts stood against my heart, Tanya broke up with me. At first I was distraught; not comprehending what it was that I didn’t have that she wanted…without noticing the obvious, we weren’t compatible. I loved her of course, but there was something that I couldn’t comprehend…why she didn’t want children and I did…
After Tanya broke up with me, I later found out that she was sleeping with a coworker of hers and I was irate! When I met Scarlett, I was almost deterred from pursuing her because I knew that she and Tanya were friends. Of course, Scarlett was oblivious to what ended our relationship. After Scarlett and I began dating, I informed her why Tanya broke up with me. Aggravated herself after the truth of the matter surfaced, their friendship was terminated. Case in point, everything happens for a reason. Fast-forward to my life now with Scarlett; I can’t see a life without her, and she has changed my life forever.
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“Scarlett Emma Jones; I have loved you since as far back as I can remember, you have made everything in my life complete. We make sense as a couple; we make better sense to be married. I will love you, care for you, and provide you with the best possible life any man can give a woman; will you marry me?” I looked into her soft green eyes; a tear began falling down her cheeks. I already knew the answer before she even responded…“Yes…yes I will marry you baby.” This was the best day of my life; a perfect dinner with the most amazing woman in the entire world. With the Golden Gate Bridge across from us; the Waterbar Restaurant was the ideal choice to have a proposal dinner.
I planned on asking Scarlett for the past few weeks to marry me; trying to gather the courage to ask her, because she means so much to me-the last thing I wanted to do was rush our relationship. That was the only thing that I cared about; was having her by my side for the rest of our lives.
I didn’t realize how much I was wrong about only wanting her; only loving her. I got home from work on a Saturday afternoon; exhausted, ready to start my weekend and relax with my wife. Scarlett asked me about the idea of us having children; I wasn’t expecting this conversation of all conversations to take place this evening. “I want to have a family with you babe; I love you and I feel that kids would be a blessing.” We have discussed having a family before, but what we both felt was best was for us to save up and get a bigger place before we had children.
It wouldn’t be fair to our children if we lived in an apartment even if we were in the city; we wanted a house to call our home. Establish a life, build memories and grow old watching our children grow up and have children of their own. She grinned with a smile I don’t believe I have ever seen before; and touched her stomach. Looking down at her stomach, and then up to her face; I was in shock. I felt a cold sweat develop underneath my collar; suddenly it was like the oxygen in the living room was taken away from us!
A weakening sensation travelled through my legs and knees down to my feet, until it felt like my feet were gone! Without even knowing what to say or how to respond; Scarlett confirmed what I already realized…we were pregnant. In that moment, I felt the weight of the entire world on my shoulders; the pressure of bringing a baby into an apartment where already for two people, space was limited! Add a newborn; and everything changes!
Scarlett looked at me; her soft green eyes glimmering with a sense of excitement and mystery all in one…would it be a boy or a girl? The idea of having a baby was already enough for me to take in at that particular moment, but if we had a girl…there goes my blood pressure! My parents only had two children: my brother Ryan, and myself. I didn’t have a sister to worry about and follow around school; it was something about having a sister that made me petrified!