What Don't Kill Me

“SHE SAID YES”

All I want to do is love her. Why won’t she just let me love her?

I looked at my watch and saw it was a quarter after ten.

I need to get to her. I need to let her know I’m serious.

I threw my clothes on and packed a bag for Tiana who was knocked out in her Disney Princess bed.

“Come on, Sweetie. Daddy has to make a quick run to Ms. Ciara’s house; you can go back to sleep over there, okay?”

She nodded as I picked her up and carried her to my truck.

Everything on the way there was a blur and before I knew it, I was standing on her doorstep, praying that she opened the door.

After a minute or so, she let us in and told me to take Tiana to her girls’ room.

When I came back downstairs, she was on the loveseat, balled up like a little girl.

I got straight to the point, “Ciara, I need to be with you. You might feel like we haven’t been together long enough for me to feel this way, but I wanted to be with you from the first time I saw you in the store. You have something special that most women dream about. You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re a real woman. You remind me of my grandmother; the way she held it down for her family and the way she bounced back from every situation.”

She interrupted me and said that she was tired of being hurt, but I gave her my word, “I would leave this Earth before I ever hurt you.”

I took a deep breath and got down on one knee, “I don’t need to wait for a holiday to ask you this: Ciara Thomas, will you please marry me?”

It was like I was standing outside of my body watching myself do something I had only dreamt of doing.

What’s taking her so long to answer? What’s with all the excuses? I couldn’t help but wonder why she looked down on herself so much.

Damaged? She’s everything, but damaged. I’ve never met anyone so beautiful. She’s honest, devoted, loyal and independent. This is the woman of my dreams and she can’t see that.

My mind was everywhere, until I heard her say, “Yes, Derek David Greene, I will marry you.”

Did she say, ‘yes?’ She said, ‘yes!’ I can’t move…

“Derek? Baby?” She smiled, then whispered, “I said, yes.”

I kissed her and said, “And I don’t want to hear nothing else about you being damaged. You’re perfect, Ciara. God made you perfect for me.”

Then I looked at her and almost yelled, “I gotta call my mother!”

I pulled out my phone, but put it down when I noticed my future wife still had her hand out waiting for me to put the ring on her finger.

“Sorry, baby. This is my first time doing this.” I said as I slid the ring on with ease.

She smiled and said, “It's your first and only time doing this.”

Without warning, she kissed me; no, it wasn’t like we’d never kissed before, but this time was different. It was like every emotion, joy, sorrow, passion, pain, love…lust, was in that kiss.

I knew from that moment that this was right. She’s the one.

“Now, you can call your mother.”

“Actually, I want you to call your father first.”

Ciara hesitated for a second, “I’m not sure how he’s going to feel about this. I mean, he doesn’t really know you all that well.”

“Just trust me. His response might actually shock you.”

“Baby, I…”

Before she could get another word out, I had him on the phone.

“Hey, Mr. Miller, I know it’s a little late, but I think you know why I’m calling you.” I smiled and looked at Ciara. “Yes, sir, she’s right here.”

She gave me a funny look and took the phone from me.

“Hey, dad, what’s up?” She laughed and pinched me, “Yes, I do have something to tell you; Derek proposed a few minutes ago and I said, ‘yes.’”

I loved seeing her like this. She actually looked like she was glowing. I made up in my mind at that moment that I had to keep that smile on her face for the rest of our lives.

“Okay, dad. Thanks. Love you, too.”

“I told you he would be okay with it.”

“Baby, I can’t believe you asked for his blessings. That really means a lot to me. Were you nervous?”

“Hell yeah! I got his number from Michelle and met with him the next day.”

I rubbed her leg and said, “Your father loves you more than you could ever know. We talked for a long time; he asked me every question he could think of, and then repeated some, like it was a pop quiz to make sure I wasn’t lying or something!”

“Aww, I’m so glad you did it though. Now, you need to call your mother.”

“Right.” I took a deep breath and pressed the send button on my cell.

“Ma? Yeah, I know it’s late…no, everything is fine. Yes, Tiana’s okay. Ma…ma…ma! I need you to calm down. Everybody is fine, well, actually I’m great! She said yes!”

There she goes! I thought while listening to her praise God and go on about how happy she was.

I smiled and shook my head, “My mother wants to speak to you.” I said handing Ciara the phone.

“Hey, Mrs. Greene. Oh…yes. Okay,” she hesitated for a minute, “mom. Thank you…Yes, God is good. Right…I know he’s your baby. Yes, ma’am…we love you, too. Do you want to speak to Derek? Okay. I’ll tell him.” She blushed and gave me my phone.

“I knew she would be excited. My mother is crazy about you and the girls!”

“Did she know you were going to propose?”

“Yeah, I told her I was going to do it on Christmas Eve; that’s why I wanted to know if we had any plans.”

“Oh, okay. Babe, your mother made me a little nervous.” she said with a straight face.

I rubbed her arms, “Why? I thought everybody was happy. What’s wrong? I’m here. You can always talk to me. We said we would stay honest and open with each other a long time ago, before God brought us back to each other, right?”

She nodded, “But she told me to tell you that you need to tell me everything. What was she talking about?”

I exhaled as a million thoughts ran through my mind. Where do I start? Let me think…