Crazy Janitors

About the Book

Cathy and Rick are the owners of a janitorial company. Their employees are ruining homes and annoying their employers. Janitor Fat John eats the oysters, a treat for Mrs. Schmitt’s daughter. In another house, Fat John was chased out with ripe tomatoes. Stale Kronchy, who starts shooting at Rick, is chasing Rick in the freeway. Stale was held by a fat black policewoman who kept forting, shouting, and slapping Stale while the wind blows away her wig. The janitorial company’s owner Rick is making love to Christine when Cathy, his wife, is calling him, and she hears Christine moan “Oh little hot dog”—which was Cathy and Rick’s sexual attribute. Cathy buys a big doll from a sex shop as a gift to punish Rick, but the former loves it. Joseph Zigler, a young Orthodox Jew, gives Rick a phony address and a phone number, and he starts to clean a house when he slides and breaks things, ending in falling into a cactus. Terrified, he runs away from the house. Stale Kronchy behaves unconventionally in a session with a woman psychologist, and when he comes out, he finds out that Fat John and Pat are janitors working for Rick. Stale kidnaps the janitors and forces them to clean his very filthy mobile home under the watch of a big bold dog called Kojak. Stale leaves the two janitors without any transportation. Stale and Kojak are seen sitting under a tree outside a church, where a wedding party is prepared with food and drinks. Blowie Scooprider, a weirdo who owns a talent agency, receives Pat to clean his office. He falls in love with Pat, sending her cheap and strange gifts. Debbie, an attractive blond, is sexually harassed while she cleans an office building. She gets a cleaning job in a big estate in Beverly Hills belonging to Helen, a lesbian who falls in love with Debbie. Ed Barnstoff believes in getting women with a lot of bullshit and pretends that a house of a client is his own. He wears their jewelries and dressing gown, smokes their cigar, and succeeds into luring a young woman for sex. Rick’s client Paul O’Hare is getting married outside the same church where Stale and Kojak, the dog, are waiting for the food. Stale orders Kojak to bring him food. Kojak is bringing Stale a whole chicken and then a bottle of champagne. Stale Kronchy motions to Kojak to help himself to the food and then gives him the permission to have fun by ruining the whole party. The father of the bride hurries the priest to marry the couple before the groom changes his mind. He drags Father Murphy by his ear and calls the priest a faggot. Father Murphy was doing the wedding ceremony when Paul O’Hare, who is the groom, provides a folded fifty-dollar bill as a ring to his bride. Father Murphy sneezes, and his false teeth falls on Briggitte O’Hare, the new bride, losing her ring. Father Murphy picks it up and puts it in his pocket. Helen, Debbie’s new friend, arranges a leaving party for Debbie, who is going to launch an acting career. Cathy arranges the party in her office. Blowie Scooprider arrives with a Rolls-Royce and a midget helper named Buru. Christine, Briggitte, and Cherry tricks Buru to go to the ladies’ room. They take his entire clothes off, giggling and looking at his penis. They throw his clothes away through the window. Cathy finds out that Briggitte slept with Rick. Cathy is just about trashing Briggitte out from the party when the fat black policewoman arrives, inquiring about the noise. But then later, she joins the party.

About the Author

Ruth Toby was born in 1945 in Jerusalem. Ruth immigrated to United States in 1981 and settled in Burbank, California. Today, Ruth lives in Fort Myers.