Beyond Salvation

Isn't it amazing how two people can be in the same relationship, but view the relationship through totally different lenses? I was engaged to a gentleman once. I was completely in love with him and shared my whole world with him. As far as I was concerned, everything I had was his – even my time.

I was always available when he called (we were in a long distance relationship, and lived in different time zones). If he needed anything and I had it, it was his. If there was anything he wanted and I knew about it (well, almost anything), it was his – many times before he would even ask. I knew what kind of food he liked, what his favorite colors were, his favorite TV shows and past times, and even who his favorite authors were. When I knew he was coming to town, I arranged my schedule to pick him up at the airport, spend time with him, and take him to his family's home. If possible, I would arrange my work schedule so he could have my car during the day.

I made sure the refrigerator and cabinets were stocked with his favorite snacks so when he came over, he would have plenty that he liked to eat. I planned outings to go see his favorite performers. I wore his favorite color... you get the picture. I enjoyed every moment that we spent together – even when the moments were not so pleasant. I was always excited to hear from him, even more excited to see him. NEVER liked saying good-bye to him – not even when I knew I would see him in a few minutes.

I know. I sound like a lovesick puppy. But I loved him. I understand Mariah Carey when she sings, "Far too much is never enough." However, the day came when my fiancé told me he was leaving. He told me he was not ready to get married. Of course I was sad. I was hurt. I felt disillusioned. (But I understood that I had a part to play in that – a big part.) The day that we parted, the only words I had for him were words of love. Not an evil, mean, or angry word. Just love, love, well wishes, and more love. His words for me were words of love as well. We continued to talk over the phone for a couple of weeks after we parted. I was taken aback when he said to me, "You know. It would be really easy for us to be angry at each other. But we're not. I'm really proud of us for that." I had no idea what he was talking about. To this day, I still don't know. Though he had left two days before we were to be married, I did not have one ill thought or feeling about him. I just loved him.

Don't get too angry, ladies! Leaving me then was the noblest thing he could have ever could done for me. He could have left me at the altar, after our first child was born, or after twenty years of marriage. He did right by me, and I love him for it!

When he said it would be easy for us to be angry at each other, I remember thinking (and still think) that we must have been in two different relationships. I had nothing against him and – even though there were plenty of opportunities to be angry about things that transpired during the relationship and the present ordeal was quite painful – I could not think of anything to be angry with him about.

Evidently, he felt differently. Imagine how surprised I was when he told me he was afraid of me. (He did not explain why. In fact, he said he didn't know why.) My head went tilt tilt tilt. Does – not – compute. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space. Reflecting on various conversations that we had over the course of our relationship, it is my heartfelt belief that he wore himself out trying to "be worthy" of my love, so to speak, instead of just receiving it.

I wonder if God looks at us sometimes and thinks that He and some of His children are in two different relationships: He is lavishing His love upon them, and they are walking around afraid of Him – maybe because they feel unworthy within themselves or maybe even because they think He is angry with them. Sadly, just as my fiancé did not view me the same way I viewed him, many of God's children do not view Him the way He views them.

God views us through the lens of love. Love that covers a multitude of sin. Love that pays no attention to a suffered wrong. Love that bears up under anything and everything that comes. Love that is ready to believe the best of every person. Love whose hopes are fadeless under all circumstances. Love that endures everything without weakening. Love that never fails. Love that never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end.

God loves us! There is nothing we can do to earn His love. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us less. God simply loves us. He has loved us since before the foundation of the world. He demonstrates His love for us in that He spared not His Own Son. Rather, He gave His all and He gave His best. While we were still sinners – before we were even thinking about Him – His Son, Jesus Christ, died for us. God did not wait for us to become worthy or to earn His love. We wouldn't be able to anyway! He didn't even wait to see if we would return His love. He loved us simply because He is Love.