Warrior Spirit

WALK THE WALK…TALK THE TALK So, I need to tell you this story, to tell you the next one. Besides a poet, lyric writer, whimsical wandering gypsy, and social activist, my real job is in human services. I am also an Empath and a Pisces, both a blessing and a curse. Fighting the system to help the under dog and folks in need had been my calling personally and professionally. For many years I worked the court system advocating for victims of domestic violence. I’ve also worked with teenage girls in the criminal justice system with addiction and mental health issues. I proudly served on the LGBT Task Force and remain an ally, and was a Legislative Liaison seeking more funds and resources for social services. My rebel ways remain on and off the job! I like to feel I have walked the walk, not just talked the talk. I have worked one to three jobs at a time to survive most of my adult life. There is no shame in my game. I’ve hidden my vehicle after receiving a repossession letter, buying time until I could send the payment. I have survived the sheer panic of exiting a highway and turning and swerving on back roads after seeing a flatbed tow truck and dodging the repo-man! I’ve turned on the TV and discovered my cable was out…out until I had the money to pay the bill! I’ve come home and hit the light switch and remained in the dark…until I worked out a payment with the electric company! I’ve known the gamble of payday still being two days away and 1/8th of a tank of gas…my car has run on fumes and a miracle more times than I want to remember! Pay the bills or eat? I have known fasting and drastic dieting whether I wanted to or not! Human Services allows me to work within the system to make the world a better place. My creativity also allows me the freedom to do the same! I have learned in my work and personally, what people need the most is to be heard and validated! People fighting their demons and needing resources basically just need someone to give a f#ck and a safe place to recover, without shame! As a society we have to STOP with the negativity and the stigma of depression, anxiety, suicide, addiction, mental health issues, domestic violence, sexual abuse and assault, and how we identify! STOP! I try to be who I am professionally and personally. On the job or off I am “business casual!” Unlike my colleges I am definitely business casual! I am not the traditional looking suit and heels advocate. Look for me in dress jeans, a concert t-shirt, topped with casual suit jacket, with either leather boots or sandals, depending on the season! Perhaps a maxi dress or skirt…and I have a passion for long scarves and shawls. Somewhere between Stevie Nicks closet and Joe Perry’s wardrobe trunk. I don’t think it’s a coincidence the rockers, free spirits, abused, bullied, addicted, depressed, suicidal, and lost souls, spill their guts to me. Spill their guts to me on the job and off! I am one of those people complete strangers sit next to and tell me the stories of their life! Then came the day I had to practice what I preached! I thought I walked the walk and talked the talk…and I did! However…helping others was a great distraction from dealing with my own demons! I had long dealt with low self-esteem and self-worth. I knew I had high functioning anxiety and felt I hid it well and dealt with it. I’ve had issues with eating disorders and being a perfectionist. I have been in and out of unhealthy relationships and experienced abandonment issues and would soon learn I had codependency and PTSD issues too! All very carefully repressed focusing on helping others! Staying busy and flying by the seat of my pants lifestyle = trauma response! Professionally, I did my job and did it well! Personally, I did it well…until I didn’t! It was time to help myself…it was time to walk my walk and talk my talk!