Those were the days
Another humor filled chronicle from the 'Travels with Susie' series
by
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I shouldn't bring up boring without mentioning the northern third of Florida's section of I-75. There is not much in that rolling landscape to admire and even if there were, you couldn't see it. Billboards dominate the views of the countryside. The giant signs telling us about places to sleep, dine, shop, find free Disney information and buy pecan logs are strung along both sides of the highway like a Day-Glo painted forest. Much of this is because some advertisers are not content to put up one sign and will, instead, string them up every quarter mile or so. One of these tourist Meccas is the Magnolia Plantation, which by the way, is not a plantation at all but instead, appears to have been a service station in a previous life. They may have gotten the name Plantation because they have planted maybe 300 billboards advertising their paper shell pecans, Pecan Logs, crushed Pecans, pecan bits, moon pies and real shrunken alligator heads at exit 291. I love the place so naturally, Susie doesn't. When I want to stop there, I have to play the same kind of cat and mouse games with her as she does with me and state line oranges. By way of explanation, some snowbirds, including Susie, think that the last thing to do before leaving the state is stop at a roadside stand and buy Florida fruit. I'm not of the same mind. It was a novel idea 30 years ago on our first trip south to bring fresh fruit home to our relatives but not anymore. Now it's just something else to find room for in the back of the truck. When she wants to stop and buy oranges, I vehemently protest with as much protest as she allows me to have. Her oranges and my Pecan Logs usually mean a bargaining session of one sort or another. I try to make it as light hearted as possible. “Gollleee, Sergeant Carter. You know there's nothing ah like better than a Pecan Log or a Moon Pie washed down with an R.C. Cola.” I said in my best Gomer Pyle imitation and even though I've tried this approach a dozen times, it never works. “Just keep going and leave the pecan logs to Jethro Bodine, Gomer.” She tells me. Just wait until she wants to stop for oranges. Guess what I'm going to say. The Magnolia Plantation is not the only user of billboards. There are a number of establishments furnishing a plethora of information on Billboards. These advertisements were responsible for my learning that World Famous Catfish was being served at Mama Pearl's at exit 421. Coincidentally, her place was within a stone's throw of the home of the World Famous Deal on a used car at Junior's auto sales and wrecker service. It was hard to imagine; two World Famous attractions within a few hundred yards of one another. In addition to the world famous attractions and places to eat, there is another enterprise that feels the need to mar the landscape with billboards and that is the Adult entertainment industry. These Denizens of evil, none of which are shy about advertising their wares, conduct their business in Northern Florida and Southern Georgia at I-75 interchanges. All of them approach their advertising in a slightly different manner. The least garish (if there is such a thing) signs say only “Strippers at exit 22A. Need we say more?” It must work. Every time we drive by, the parking lot is filled with 4 wheel drive pickups all coated with dust from the distinctive tint of red Georgia clay. Another popular establishment is the “We Bare All” emporium which assumes, I guess, that the name of the place tells us everything we need to know about what they have to offer so their billboard space is used to point out how to find the building. “Exit 22B. Turn left past the Wal-Mart.” The sign told me in big block letters. “Well, look at that, Susie. A feller could just drop the old lady off to shop at the Wal-Mart while he stops in at the Emporium.” “Look, Buster. If you ever call me `the old lady' you'll never get the chance to be `the old man.' I filed that information away for future reference. The third and most prolific Billboard user was a place that sold Adult Toys (whatever those are). It was simply called `Love Stuff exit 91' and what I guess was the biggest attraction, it was under new management. Having no idea what Adult `toys' might be, their advertising was way off the mark for me. I never give that place a second look. Actually, I never gave it the first. My favorite way to go north to Indiana is to follow the Gulf of Mexico coast to the panhandle and Panama City Beach. The scenery on the drive through Apalachicola and along the coast to Mexico Beach is outstanding. The traffic is comparatively light and it moves at a more laid-back pace. From there, it's a 13 hour drive directly north to Indianapolis right up Highway 231 from Panama City through Dothan, Alabama and on up to Montgomery and Interstate 65. We took this particular route in the early 1990's and I discovered two new culinary experiences; raw oysters from Apalachicola and Smoked Mullet, a plentiful fish that is inexpensive and a favorite of native Floridians. That same trip through Florida's Panhandle was also how I removed boiled peanuts from my list of edible fare. A trip to the deep south was also responsible for rediscovering my childhood love affair with the Pecan Log; a candy bar that is mostly nuts and sugar and is about the size of a little league baseball bat.
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About the Book
Those were the days' is the third book in the `Travels with Susie' series. Like the first two, this book is a collection of essays, some of which first saw the light of day as the author's newspaper columns. The topics will appeal to almost everyone; containing a bit of fact, a little geography, some enjoyable history and of course, travel stories with a brand of quirky humor not found anywhere else. The topics will appeal to almost everyone beginning with a bit of nostalgia. We'll go back in time for a couple of tales, then learn how to cope with a 60 year old teenage love interest and finally, more of what living with Susie is really like. In the travel tales, we will ride along with Susie and the author as they spend a winter in Texas working on a National Wildlife Refuge, devote a wonderful summer to a National Historic Site in Washington State's San Juan Islands and enjoy with them their experiences in many of the other favorite places the author and his wife have visited. For those of you approaching retirement, there is a section that the author dubbed `Getting old; not for Sissies.' Here are stories with light hearted looks at the aging process that will strike a chord of familiarity and stories that guarantee both laughter and tears. Learn right along with the author what needs to be done when debilitating illness strikes. We all find ourselves in this sometimes frustrating but mostly enjoyable reality that we call life. For lovers of literary humor, `Those were the days' will reinforce the belief that there's never ending humor to be found in almost every situation we find ourselves in. All you have to do is hang in there. Thanks again for stopping by.
About the Author
Gordon Grindstaff was raised in a small town in Southern Indiana during the middle of the twentieth century. He is a retired Information Technology Consultant who worked around the movers and shakers of the corporate world for thirty five years. This occupation provided ample opportunities to observe the silliness that sometimes passes as big business while also allowing him to hone his sense of humor along the way. His wife, Susie, served as the Director of a workshop for mentally handicapped adults before retirement. The years spent in the company of the associates in the workshop taught both Gordon and Susie the real meaning of their existence as well as grounding them in the lessons learned from the realities of life. Gordon and Susie retired shortly after the turn of the century, sold practically everything they owned and set out in their RV to see the sights of North America. Ten Years and two grandchildren later, they have begun to slow down but they haven't seen it all yet so they're not quite ready to turn in their truck keys. Their travels led to a journal which quickly became a regular newspaper column published weekly in four newspapers in two countries. His quirky, one of a kind humor also appears occasionally in at least 3 other publications. Gordon's writings are sometimes hilarious, sometimes sentimental, once in a while nostalgic and always entertaining. His first book, `Travels with Susie', was published in 2006 and chronicles the adventures of the couple as they learned to make their way about the country in an RV. `Good Times and Bad' was published in 2008 and continued the Travels with Susie theme as well as adding a look at the Nostalgia of growing up in Indiana. Gordon and Susie are currently making plans to volunteer in the Florida State Park System for the winter of 2011 - 2012. And as always, after that, who knows? God willing, we'll all find out.