FAT FAT Snitch
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
BAILIFF
(Shouting)
May I have your attention. The Honorable Judge Spumoni presiding. Please stand.
Everyone stands.
Judge Spumoni exits from the left door. Old and frail, with a dome that looks like a pool ball with fuzz. The fuzz is not cut consistently and sticks out in the wrong places. He is skinny and looks a little like Stan Laurel.
Judge Spumoni climbs the steps to his bench.
But he continues on in back of the bench, down the steps and enters the Right Door.
The Bailiff gives a Oliver Hardy look into the camera, and hurries after the judge. In fact, he looks a little like Oliver Hardy.
The Judge closes the door.
The Bailiff opens the door and enters.
Silence.
Then, the right door opens and the Bailiff leads the Judge by his right arm up the steps to the bench, lets go of the Judge, pulls his Chair out and reaching again for the Judge gently guides him into his chair.
The Judge pulls his chair to the bench, the Bailiff, walks down the steps and stands at the side of the courtroom.
The Judge just stares out to the courtroom.
Melvin and Weng Kwai exchange glances.
Floyd smiles.
The Bailiff does a Hurumph, coughing into his Hand.
Nothing.
The Bailiff does another Hurumph.
The Judge nods out of his reverie.
JUDGE
Now where were we?
Weng Kwai rises.
WENG KWAI
Your Honor. We filed a motion objecting to the lack of notice of the scope of evidence for the testifying witnesses.
The Judge looks sternly down from the bench, then rises form his seat, and leans over the bench to stare at Weng Kwai.
JUDGE
How much notice did your people give us at Pearl Harbor?
Weng Kwai is speechless. He stammers.
WENG KWAI
Er...That's...
The Judge sits back in his chair.
JUDGE
Just sit down will you.
Weng Kwai, crestfallen, sits.
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About the Book
Hustlers on the Rocks
New Comedic Screenplay Entertains with Absurd World of Cons and Detectives
Wolf Blitzker, the head of the parole office and Gibbons’ boss, calls the two con artists, “a thorn in the side of this department for a long time.” As Gibbons pursues them, Margo and Frank are each involved in their own nefarious pursuits. Margo, a lesbian who happens to be dating a beautiful blond secretary in the parole office, is adding hotdog buns at Moishe’s Gourmet Hotdog Emporium in order to double charge people for each hotdog sold. Frank, a man who is also a lesbian, is pocketing money for each drink he sells instead of ringing them into The Kon Ticki Lounge’s register.
One morning, however, Gibbons eavesdrops on the con duo’s conversation. Confusing the words “buns” for “guns” and “drinks” for “chinks,” he immediately begins a fruitless investigation into an Asian arms operation. After a series of hysterical escapades, including the former investigator’s inability to sit after a posterior injury, Gibbons comes incredibly close to achieving his goal, but unfortunately, is foiled by “the one from above,” who watches out for Margo and Frank at every turn for a very unusual reason.
About the Author
The Author is a grateful native of, and practicing attorney in, New York City.