BULLY BATTLES

Melvin’s Week with the Bully Insert image 8 On Monday at school, Melvin felt sad. A big boy he knew acted so bad. “Hey, shorty,” George yelled. “You’re too small!” Melvin felt scared and ready to bawl. On Tuesday Melvin climbed on the school bus. He waited for George to make a big fuss. Insert image 9 Again, George blared, “Melvin you’re small.” Melvin just sat there ready to bawl. On Wednesday Melvin told his dad He didn’t like feeling so sad. Dad told Melvin, “Ignore George now and again. Melvin tried, but mean George is BIG--and ten! On Thursday George taunted, “Melvin is short.” Melvin, the brave, made a funny retort. He amazed himself that it didn’t hurt To say something funny instead of a blurt. On Friday Melvin realized it was easy to say, “Hey, George, watch out, I’ll get my growth spurt one day.” Later that day, Melvin was happy to say, “Dad, I worked things out with the bully today!” “With shoulders pulled back, I stood up straight.” “I flashed a big smile while taking no bait.” Insert image 10 On Saturday Melvin told his friend, Dave, “When you face the bully, you must look brave.” “Stand tall, look up, and smile to show teeth.” “It doesn’t work to look sad and seethe.” “You must say something funny—not rude or lame. For the bully will win; it’s his game. Walk away, you must, my friend, Dave. If you stick around, the bully will rave.” On Sunday Melvin thought about what was best. Practice more or give it a rest? “Practice makes perfect,” his grandma would say. Melvin practiced with a mirror every day. Insert image 11 “Fake it till you make it,” was the motto he used. Before long Melvin didn’t feel so abused. He shared with Dave the ideas he had For coping with bullies so mean and bad. Using kind and funny words does more Than saying things that show you are sore. The following week when George meanly said, “Melvin’s still short and has a big head.” Melvin smiled, nodded, and stood quite tall. It looked as if George’s words didn’t bother at all. Insert image 22 Melvin looked at George right in the eye. He calmly said, “It is I.” “I am still short as you can see,” “And a big head is a possibility.” George was having no fun anymore For Melvin refused to show he was sore. Melvin kept practicing his every skill. George gave up because there was no thrill. George doesn’t make fun of Melvin now. Melvin has learned what to say and how. He knows that bullies are playing a game. It’s a game Melvin hates but can win all the same. Brave Melvin and Dave now know what to do. When bullies are mean, do you? Remember: Stand tall, brave, and smile. Say the truth and walk away all the while. The bully will stand alone for a bit. Wondering, what is it that has hit? Using kind and funny words does more Than saying things that show you are sore. BULLY DO’S AND DON’TS Bully Do’s Bully Do’s—What Works with the Bully • Use this formula to stop bullying in the early stages: - Stand tall. It is a confident look, and confident kids are rarely bullied. - Pull your shoulders back. This adds to your good posture and confident look. It makes you look taller. - Agree with the bully. If the bully is stating a truth, agree. If the bully is not stating a truth, respond with humor. You can also agree that the bully can, in fact, say what s/he says—it doesn’t mean you agree with it. - Smile. The smile may be fake for a while, but practice may make it a real smile. A smile says you are not upset to the bully—taking away some of his satisfaction of making you upset because making you upset is her or his goal. - Walk away. Remove yourself from the scene right away. If you stick around, the bully will say more mean things—and win. • If the bully is dangerous, get an adult to help. • Discuss the bullying with adults when you are calm so you can give accurate information. • Keep track of when bullying takes place, noting what took place BEFORE the bullying happened. • Think about what the bully has done and how you responded. Share your findings with an adult. • Sometimes parents can help each other and their kids by discussing the bullying that is taking place. • If the bullying is taking place at school, make sure key school people (teacher, counselor, social worker, principal) know about it so they can take action to help you. • Be a responsible bystander by becoming an upstander. - Support the target (victim) with your words and actions. You can always walk away from the bully with the target. - Get help from an adult immediately. - Report any bullying you see or hear to an adult. - Talk to other bystanders about the fact that bullying is not cool and band together to support those who are targeted. BULLY DON’TS Bully Don’ts—What Doesn’t Work • Ignoring the bully almost never works. Telling the bully to “STOP!” almost never works. Screaming, crying, yelling, sulking, and withdrawing never work. • Saying mean things back to the bully does not work. Hitting the bully almost never works. Getting angry at the bully does not work. • Having a discussion with the bully usually does not work. • Trying to work it out with the bully without knowing good skills does not work. • Calling the bully names will not work. • Having one parent calling the other parent about the bullying usually does not work—unless both parents have the skills to deal with it in a nice way. • Peer mediation is not the solution for having bullies and victims work together. There is an imbalance of power that should not be left to peer supervision only. • These “don’ts” apply to cyber bullies, too. Responding to them only makes the bullying continue because responding lets the bully know you are upset and care about what the bully says— however ridiculous it is. Remember: Do not confuse rude and mean single incidents with the ongoing, repeated mean behavior that makes up bullying behavior. Both are unacceptable, but bullying is an intentional hurtful way to target another person.