Communication Elixirs

Preview: COMMUNICATION ELIXIRS In searching for an appropriate title for this book that fit with the Love Potions theme, I considered Communication Recipes. The definitions of “recipe” are: (1) A set of instructions for making something, particularly food, (2) A medical prescription, and (3) A method to attain a desired end such as a recipe for success. All of those sounded pretty good…except you can also create a recipe for poison or for making a bomb. Hmmmm. Then a friend suggested Communication Elixirs. The definitions of “elixir” are: (1) A sweetened, aromatic solution used as a vehicle for medicinal substances, (2) An alchemic preparation believed to be capable of prolonging life, (3) An alchemic preparation formerly believed to be capable of transmuting base metals into gold, and (4) A panacea; cure-all; remedy. Both titles convey the concept of a mixture of things, each contributing to the whole, which is true of this book on communication skills. But all of the definitions of elixir connote a positive outcome. Elixirs would never be used for bad purposes. Elixirs deliver medicine with sweetness. Elixirs prolong life. Elixirs transmute something common into something extremely valuable. Elixirs are remedies. All of these definitions can be used for the good communication skills you’ll learn about in this volume. So Communication Elixirs it is. In this volume you’ll find elixirs that teach you how to: identify current communication patterns that predict failure or escalate arguments, listen in order to fully understand, and speak in such a way that you are more likely to be heard and gain greater cooperation. You’ll review the method of Perception Checking taught in Season the Pot to help avoid misunderstandings. You’ll learn a structure for conversation that helps both parties go beyond the surface to deeper feelings, needs, concerns and desires. It’s at those deeper levels that hearts are often softened and the emotional doors are opened to discover solutions to issues that meet both persons’ needs. The combination of these skills, when consistently used, will transform an ordinary, boring, or even a distressed relationship, into something more treasured than gold. They can turn emotional distance into emotional safety and closeness. They can also help you navigate tricky situations with an employer, employee or colleague, and build or maintain a healthy relationship with your child, your parent, or your friend. These skills work when you work them! A PERSONAL NOTE The skills I’m about to teach you, first of all, transformed my conflict ridden marriage to my late husband Jim into the SoulMate marriage of our dreams. (See our books describing that transformation in the “ABOUT NANCY’S WORK” section at the end of this volume.) Using these skills made it possible to heal fractures in relationships with my children and step-children. Gradually my commitment to the use of these skills transformed all of my relationships, and then became the passion of my life: to teach others the powerful magic of these simple skills. GET READY These communication skills are so simple that a three-year old can learn them. But don’t be fooled. Because our communication patterns are so deeply imbedded in our psyches, (having been modeled for us and practiced since infancy) it requires focused commitment to integrate new skills securely into our communication habits and relationships. It is worth every effort it may take, however, to learn and consistently practice them. I’ve worked with hundreds of couples who, when they used these skills, saw long-standing problems dissolve away to nothing or be successfully negotiated, found their love reignited, and their commitment to each other joyfully renewed. The same simple skills build strong connections with children and make it possible to navigate difficult situations in any relationship. As you may have noticed, I’m excited about the opportunity to serve this life-giving elixir to you. I believe everyone who finds this book in his or her hand was searching for exactly the kind of magical, relationship elixirs that these skills deliver. So let’s get started!